Letra
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first lines
TV Show Host: The year was 1985, and the number one show on TV was...
Bratt: Evil Bratt!
TV Show Host: The show started young Balthazar Bratt as a child prodigy and criminal mastermind bent on world domination.
Guard: There he is! Get him!
Young Bratt: [kicks the guards] Wham! Go-go! I've been a bad boy!
TV Show Host: Bratt was the biggest child actor of the 1980s, striking a chord with audiences all over the world.
the children cheer, giving high fives to the Bratt figures, then Bratt laughs, l
Guard: There he is! Get him!
Bratt kicks the guards
TV Show Host: But it all came to an end in season three, when...
Young Bratt: (imitating Peter Brady from The Brady Bunch) I've been a bad boy. Boy? Boy.
TV Show Host: The young star experienced an unexpected growth spurt.
puts the text on the screen, saying, "CANCELED"
TV Show Host: The show was canceled. Hollywood rejected him, and Bratt quickly plunged into a downward spiral, starting to actually believe he was the character he played on TV.
Young Bratt: What are you lookin' at?! [shakes the camera]
TV Show Host: Leading us all to wonder...
Bratt punches the screen
TV Show Host: ...where is he now?
Bratt: [laughs, running away, looking at a boat, blowing a bubble gum] You know what, Clive? Playing a villain on TV was fun, but being one in real life is even better. Heist music!
Clive: Here it comes!
the music begins "Take My Breath Away" by Berlin playing
Bratt: [exclaims in disgust] What? Clive, what are you doing?! How is that heist music?!
Clive: Sorry. My bad. [turns the cassette over]
Bratt speeds up the boat, with the music of "Bad" by Michael Jackson playing, pu
Guard 1: Ew!
Bratt knocks the guard, then he continues dancing
Guard 2: Mommy!
Bratt jumps in
Guard 3: Stop or I'll...
the bubble gum, puts around the man, then cut to the Anti Villain League Headqua
Woman: Sir, the ship has been boarded by some kind of monster.
Silas: Wait, that's not a monster. That's a man wearing shoulder pads. There's only one supervillain whose fashion sense is quite that dated. Balthazar Bratt. Blast it! The Dumont diamond is on that ship. I want every agent in the area on the scene immediately.
the minions pass by a clownfish, laughing
Lucy: We're already here. Agents Grucy are closing fast.
Gru: Yes! Wait, wha? What did you call us?
Lucy: "Grucy." You know, "Gru" and "Lucy" mushed together. [chuckling] Try it.
Gru: [chuckling] Oh! I like it but not a lot. I don't like it.
they continue riding in submarines, then the boat continues rising up their gums
Guard 4: Stop!
Guard 5: On the ground!
the guards shoot closer at Bratt, knocking the guards, opening the door, using a
Guard 6: Go, go, go!
Bratt throws a cube to the guards, spinning around, exploding the cube to the gu
Bratt: [looks at the submarines] Too late again, Gru! [cackling, walking up the boat]
the boat continues rising up
Gru: Wha...?! He's getting away!
Lucy: That's what he thinks! [gets out of a submarine, revealing a bike]
they ride their bikes up to the boat, then the Minions try to ride their bike up
Minions: Go, go, go... Oh. Uh, go go! Go! Go! Go!
they both continue riding up to the boat
Lucy: I don't think we can make it, Gru!
Gru: We can make it! [goes faster up to the boat] We can maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake iiiiiiiiiiit! [touches the boat] No, we can't!
Lucy: Get ready! [presses a button]
Gru: Get ready for wh...
they fly up to the boat, then the Minions fall down
Man: Hey. How you doing?
the Minions fall down to the ground
Girl: [offscreen, gasping] Are you okay?
the Minions speak in Minionese, chuckling
Girl: You guys are so cute.
Lucy: Go get him, Gru-Gru!
Bratt: Hello, Gru. How's your transition coming? You know, from world's worst villain to world's worst agent?
Gru: Oh, that's hilarious. You should be on TV. [kicks the gun] Oh, that's right. [takes out his freeze ray gun] You were! But then you got cancelled!
Bratt: [kicks the freeze ray gun] Ha-ha!
Gru: [kicks the gun] What about that! [squirts at Bratt] Wha? Oh, girls! [throws a squirt gun at Bratt, trying to punch Bratt]
Bratt: Dance fight!
the music begins "Sussudio" by Phil Collins playing
Bratt: Diamond!
Gru: [punches Bratt, taking the diamond] Alpha Team, the diamond is secure. Come and pick up the package.
Guard 6: Copy that. Alpha Team in approach.
the boat continues going slower
Bratt: Gru!
Gru gasps
Bratt: Did you actually think I was unconscious?
Gru gasps
Bratt: It's called acting, hoser. And clearly, I've still got it! [shoots at Gru, flying to the pole, with the music of "Jump" by Van Halen playing, flying clothes off of him, covering in bubble gum] I've been a bad boy! [laughing]
Guard 7: Freeze don't move!
Bratt: Son of a Betamax!
Guard 8: Go! Go! Get him! Get him!
Guard 9: Go get him!
Guard 10: He's getting away.
Bratt: [flies away] This isn't over, Gru. You hear me? This is not over.
Gru: Yeah? Well, I still have the diamond. [laughing]
Group: [singing] Happy birthday to you!
Gru: [singing] Happy birthday, dear Dan. Happy birthday to you.
the Minions laugh, then they all dance, with the music of "Maria" by Ricky Marti
Gru: I can't believe Bratt got away again. How is that possible? How?
the car goes up and down, then they go up and down, knocking the car, laughing
Gru: And it's not just that he got away. It is he's so smug about it. [mockingly] "Ooh, I've been a bad boy!" Gah!
Lucy: Edna, hey! Looking hot, today. Got, uh, cats on you.
Gru: And it was so humiliating, dangling there in the bubble-gum Speedo. And I didn't have to to go to the gym this week, and I had a big breakfast. And was feeling a little bloated.
they both go up
Gru: You know what? He's not even worth talking about. I don't even want to waste another breath about the guy. And another thing! Next time I see Bratt, I will moonwalk all over his stupid face! [scatting] Dah, ta-ta, ta-ta, ta-ah, ta-tah!
Silas: Thank you all for coming at such short notice. It is with great sadness that I inform you that, as of today, I am retiring as head of the AVL.
they all gasp, chattering
Lucy: Oh, no.
Silas: Your new leader is coming directly from head office, effective immediately. She is the very gifted, ver ambitious, Miss Valerie da Vinci. As I look out all over your faces, I am flooded with so many memories.
Valerie: Oh, boy! This is a snooze fest!
Silas: Uh... E-Excuse me. This is my last...
Valerie: Blah, blah, blah! We understand. You're old, you're fat, you're done. [pushes Silas]
Silas: Let me breathe in.
Valerie: [pushes Silas in] Ooh, broke a little sweat there. [laughing] First order of business. [clears her throat] WHICH ONE OF YOU LOSERS IS AGENT GRU?!
Gru: Oh, that would be me. Although, I don't know if I'd say "loser", per se. Kind of is... [hears a phone ringing, taking it out, looking at Agnes, Margo, and Edith] Oh, it's the girls. Not a good time.
Valerie: Hey!
Gru: [screams] Yes, sir! [gasping] Uh, ma'am? You're making me nervous.
Valerie: How could you let Balthazar Bratt, the AVL's most wanted villain, just get away? That is the opposite of what we do here!
Gru: Okay, okay. Yes, maybe he got away. Again. But he didn't get the diamond. And I am this close to bringing him in. This close.
Valerie: Huh. Interesting. YOU'RE FIRED!
Gru: [gasping] What?
Lucy: That's totally not fair. Gru is a great agent! You know what? If you fire him, you're gonna have to fire me, sister-sister. And do you really want to do that? Do ya?
the men throw Gru and Lucy
Gru: No, no, no, no, no, hey!
they both fall down, screaming, putting parachutes on
Lucy: Well, I guess she did.
cut at night to the house
Gru: Honey, you didn't have to do that. I know how much you love your job.
Lucy: Well, I love other things more.
they both walk to the house
Lucy: You know, we're gonna have to tell the girls. [to Gru] Can you do it? The whole mom thing is still kind of new to me?
Gru: Oh, sure. [tries to put a key in the hole, opening the door] Huh? Psst. [clicks his tongue, exhaling, trilling, making pop sounds, then hooting like an owl]
Lucy trills, then Gru goes in the house, then Lucy goes in the house
Gru: Hello?
Agnes and Margo push Gru and Lucy outside
Both: Aloha!
Gru: This is unexpected.
Margo: Well, you never got to go on a honeymoon, so...
Edith: We made you dinner!
Agnes: It's a luau! We got pineapples and coconuts and ukeleles!
Gru: Oh.
Both: Yay!
the Minions play on bongos and ukelele singing in Minionese
Agnes: The soup of the day. Madame and monsieur. The gummy bears were my idea.
Gru: [looks at a gummy bear appearing from a soup] Mmm! Looks too good to even eat. Am I right? [laughing]
Agnes: But I made it for you.
Gru: Oh. [eats the soup] Mm! Mmm, mmm, mmm! Good soup! I love the combination... [swallowing] ...of gummy bears and meat.
Lucy: [eats the soup, spitting it out] I'm gonna hold it in my mouth. 'Cause it's so good, I don't want to swallow it.
Margo: So, how was work?
Edith: Ooh, did you take that guy down? Did anything explode?
Gru: Well, actually, today, Lucy and I were invited to not work at the AVL anymore.
the Minions stop playing bongos and ukelele
Minion: No! [slaps his hand on another Minion]
Margo: You got fired?
Gru: Oh, no! No, no, no, no, no, no. [chuckling] Yes.
Lucy: Wha...? But don't worry. I'm sure we'll get new jobs real soon. Even better ones.
Edith: [scoffs] What's better than being supercool secret agents?
Agnes: Ooh, I know! You could gamble online! That's what Katie's dad does.
Gru: Okay. We will definitely look into that. That's a good suggestion. And let's not go over to Katie's house anymore. [hears a phone ringing] Hmm? [looks at a phone with a Minion, saying, "Mel is calling"]
cut to the Minions
Gru: Guys! Shh, shh, shh, shh. I don't think you heard me right. No, no, no, no, no. This does not mean that we are going back to being villains. [throws a flower at the Minion]
Minions: Aw! [speaking in Minionese]
Gru: Okay, all right. I get it. Look, I know it's been a little tough lately, especially with Dr. Nefario accidentally freezing himself in carbonite.
the Minions make a Dr. Nefario in carbonite
Gru: But our life of crime is over. Ah, w... Mel! Mel, you're with me on this, right?
Mel: Ah. [sputtering, speaking in Minionese, pressing a button, revealing Gru in a tank] Bueno.
the Minions cheer, revealing Gru in a lawn mower
Mel: Bueno.
the Minions boo, reveaing Gru sneaking over the lasers
Mel: Bueno.
the Minions cheer, revealing Gru and Kyle, then the Minions boo, revealing Gru w
Minions: Boo!
Mel chants
Gru: Guys, listen to me! Read my lips! Lisa me lippo. Pomodora a comquit.
they speak in Minionese, blowing a raspberry, laughing
Gru: What? What? Huh? What did I say? It's not "comquit"? [looks at a book] Ah, okay. Pomodoro a kumquat.
Mel: Whoa, whoa, whoa. [speaks in Minionnese]
Gru: Don't take that tone with me. We're not going back to villainy.
Mel: Uh, no tyranny?
Gru Yes! And I don't want to hear another word about it.
the Minions blow their raspberry
Gru: Look, if you guys don't stop right now, there will be consequences.
Mel: Ah. [speaks in Minionese]
Gru: Hey, don't say anything you're going to regret.
Mel: Oh. [speaks in Minionese] Hmm. [takes his hat off] Hmm. [drops his hat] Ciao.
Gru: What? You quit?
the Minions murmur
Gru: You're serious? Come on!
the Minion jumps on the cap, then the Minions walk out
Gru: Dave! Jerry! [laughing] Great news, guys. You have been promoted. You're in charge now. Huh? Not bad.
the Minions laugh and whoop, taking off their disguises
Minion: Yippee!
Minions: Roo-ba, roo-ba, roo-ba, roo-ba, roo-ba, roo-ba...
Gru: [groans] Jeesh!
cut to Paris, France, with the Monsieur Pompeux getting out of a car, then the M
Museum Director: Monsieur Pompeux! [kisses Monsiur Pompeux] To what do we owe the presence of the world's foremost gem expert?
Monsieur Pompeux: The chief of police sent me. He was concerned that during the recent heist attempt, the Dumont diamond was replaced with a phony.
they all gasp, then Museum Director opens the door, with Monsieur Pompeux walkin
Monsieur Pompeux: Ooh-la-la! You have been duped.
Museum Director: What? We have?!
Monsieur Pompeux: Yes! BY ME! [shoots at the men]
Museum Director: But what is...? [looks at Monsieur Pompeux head] Oh, no! [runs away] Help!
Bratt: [shoots at Museum Director, taking off Monsieur Pompeux outfit, pressing play button, with the music of "Take on Me" by A-ha playing, grappling up, revealing the disco light, grabbing the diamond, going up] [laughing]
cut back to the house, pouring rain, with the music of "There's Something Specia
Lucy: Oh. [closes the door]
the girls continue sleeping, forming a Minion shape, closing the door, then cut
Lucy: Hey, Gru. What you doing down here? In the dark. Alone.
Gru: Oh, nothing. Just thinking.
Lucy: You okay?
Gru: Oh, yes. Yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine. It's just... Aah, I don't know. I guess I just feel like a failure. Like I don't have a purpose anymore.
Lucy: Hey, mister, you are not a failure.
Gru: If only I could have nailed Bratt. So many times, I almost had him. But now I'll never get the chance, 'cause I have been kicked to the curb.
Lucy: Gru, you've got to let this go. It's time to look forward. Things will get better, I promise. [kisses Gru, walking away, then Gru sighs]
cut to Fritz, holding an umbrella, with the Minions walking by
Fritz: Oh, excuse me. Uh, pardon me, young people? Would you tell me how to get to this address?
the Minion looks at a paper
Fritz: I'm looking for a Mr. Gru.
the Minion speaks in Minionese, blowing raspberry
Minion: Ciao.
the Minion Jerry blows raspberry, jumping on the paper, blowing raspberry again,
Fritz: Idiots.
cut to Kyle and Gru, chewing on the paper
Gru: No! Kyle! Stop! Ugh! Kyle, let go! [rips a newspaper, looking at Bratt with a diamond, saying, "BRATT STEALS WORLD'S BIGGEST DIAMOND"] No! No! You've got to be kidding me! Lucy, did you s--
Agnes: He helps you if you have nightmares. And he's really good to snuggle with.
Gru: Oh, no, no, no. Agnes! Agnes!
Agnes: So, take good care of him.
Little Girl: Thank you! [laughing]
Gru: Agnes, what are you doing? You, you sold your unicorn?
Agnes: Well, I just wanted to help, since you don't have a job. I got two whole dollars for it.
Fritz: [clears throat] Uh, excuse me?
Gru: Sorry, buddy, the sale's over.
Fritz: Yes, but this will only take a...
Gru: [to Fritz] Hey, eyebrows, get off the lawn.
Fritz: Ja, but...
Gru: [sighs heavily] Hey, could you...?
Fritz: Oh, uh, of course. Now, as I was saying, I...
Gru presses a button
Fritz: ...uh, oh.
Gru: Good-bye!
Fritz flies to the ground, laughing
Gru: Listen, Agnes, you don't need to worry. We're going to be fine.
Agnes: For real?
Gru: For real. Now, come on, let's pack this stuff up.
Fritz: Ow. Ow.
Gru: Seriously?
Fritz: Ow. Oh.
Gru: Buddy, you're getting a hint.
Fritz: E-Excuse me, Mr. Gru, but I really must have a word with you.
Gru: How do you know my name?
Fritz: Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Fritz.
Kyle bites Fritz
Fritz: Ow! [to Kyle] Good puppy. And I am inquiring on behalf of your twin brother, Dru. He needs your help.
Gru: What? Twin brother?
Agnes: Twin brother?
they both speak in Minionese
Fritz: Oh, ja. He would like to fly you to Freedonia to meet him. Your father has recently passed away, and...
Gru: [laughing] Okay, cuckoo. I'm sorry, but my dad died... [takes Fritz] when I was a baby. And I don't have any broher. You got the wrong guy.
Fritz: Really? Well, then, how do you explain this?
Gru: Uh, wha...?
cut to the pool, humming "Garota de Ipanema"
Vincenzo: [laughing] Bellissimo!
Gru's Mom: [laughing] Oh. Oh, hello, Gru.
Gru: Hi, Mom.
Gru's Mom: It's important to keep active in one's golden years.
the man pokes his head
Gru's Mom: There you are, you cutie, you. Uh, these are my diving instructors, Vincenzo and Paolo. [growling playfully, laughing] Ciao, boys. [groans] So, what do you want?
Gru: Mom, do I have a twin brother?
Gru's Mom: [screams] How did you find out? Who told you?
Gru: Wait. What? It's true?! You never told me I had the brother! And you told me that Dad died of disappointment when I was born.
Gru's Mom: Ja, ja. Uh, uh, that was the agreement.
Gru: Agreement? What are you talking about?
Gru's Mom: [sighs] Shortly after you and your brother were born, your father and I divorced. We each took one son to raise on our own, and promised never to see each other again. [scrunches the paper photo] Obviously... [laughing] ...I got second pick.
Gru: [looks at a paper photo] I have a brother.
the music begins "Fun Fun Fun" by Pharrell Williams playing, flying in a jet
Lucy: Hey, girls! How are things in Row B, huh? I put together some fun activities for the trip! Who is up for some gin rummy?
Margo: Yeah. Um, we're good.
Lucy: Oh, okay. I'll just sit here and play solitaire. I hope I win.
Gru: I wonder what Dru will be like. Ooh. Maybe we'll have the twin thing when you can read each other's minds, no? How cool will that be?
Lucy: Um, super cool! [laughing]
the jet lands by the pigs, then the Minion takes a pictures, tackling them down
Both: Freedonia! Freedonia! Freedonia!
Agnes Hi, piggy, piggy!
Edith: Whoa! Look at that house! It's like a castle!
Gru: [singing] I can't wait to meet my brother! [spoken] Uh, what's with all the pigs?
Fritz: This is the family business. The largest pig farm in the whole of Freedonia.
the pig attacks Gru, gasping
Gru: Okay, nice pig. [groaning] No! That's my private part!
the pig carries Gru, yelling
Gru: This pig has issues!
Fritz: Please, come in.
they all go in the building, then Gru bumps Fritz, closing the door
Lucy: Oh, this is amazing. [looks at the pigs] It's like the Sistine Chapel! But with pigs.
Dru: [laughing] MY BROTHER!
Both: My brother!
Dru: Gru!
Gru: Dru!
Dru: [laughs, looking at Gru, grabbing Gru] Brother! I am hugging you! I'm so happy!
Gru: Mm, mm.
Dru: After all of these years, finally I'm meeting you!
Gru: Yu, yup. All right, good.
Dru: Oh, look at that. [grabs Lucy] You must be the beautiful wife.
Lucy: Beautiful? [he twirls her] Oh. Stop it. Sweet talker.
Dru: How is my brother finding a wife like you when he is so bald? [laughing] I'm joking. [jumping up] This must by my nieces! [gasping] You're Agnes! You are small with big eyes. And it makes me want to put you into my pocket.
Agnes: You can't do that! I'm too big.
Dru: [laughing] Edith! I can tell that you are a little mischievous. We're gonna have to make it a little trouble later.
Edith: Well, I already have!
the Minion attack Fritz, saying, "Kick ME!"
Fritz: Why are you doing that? Ow.
Dru: Fist bump for mischievous behavior. And Margo. Oh, you are so mature. I'm guessing, what, mm, 15?
Margo: [laughing] 15?
Gru: [to Margo] She's 12. She looks 12, and will always be 12.
Lucy: So, Dru, this place is amazing. I mean, you just walk through the doors, and you're, like... [makes silly noise, laughing]
Dru: Oh, it's nice, I guess, sure. [puts sunglasses on] I'm not really into things.
Edith: Wow! This is so cool!
Agnes: Look at that!
Edith: Oh, my gosh, he's even got a helicopter!
Agnes: This the best!
Gru: Yes, the best! [quietly] All right, let's go home now.
Lucy: Home? Why?
Gru: I don't know. This guy with mansion and the cars, and all of the hair, with silky smooth, luxurious hair. I feel worse than I did before I came.
Lucy: Oh, but he's your brother, Gru. Give this chance.
Dru: Oh. I was thinking, while Gru and I catch up on some brother stuff, you girls should go with Fritz. He has a surprise for you.
Agnes: Yay!
Edith: Yay!
Margo: Awesome!
Agnes: I love surprises!
Lucy: Oh, this is perfect! Mother-daughter bonding time. Let's do it! [whooping]
they all go in the car
Lucy: Bye! You boys have fun!
Gru: Ah, ha, ha. Whoopee!
cut to the Balthazar Bratt commercial
Announcer: Now you can be as evil as Balthazar Bratt with the Evil Bratt action figure. Featuring music-activated break dance mode. Also featuring bubblegum-launching shoulder pads! And the all-new Mega Diamond Laser!
the laser shoots at a book
Commercial Kid: No more math! I've been a bad boy! [cackling]
Announcer: Mega Diamond Laser does not actually incinerate books.
Bratt: [sighs] How could Hollywood cancel a show that produced toys like this, Clive? [blows a bubblegum] Evil Bratt was a masterpiece! Does no one value true art anymore?
Clive: It's a disgrace and a travesty, sir.
Bratt: Well, now that I've got the diamond, it's payback time. Oh, it's too bad Gru won't be around to try and stop me. Oh, wait! No, it's not. I hate that dweeb! And you, Hollywood! This time, I'm canceling you, and all the losers who rejected me! [lasers around]
cut back to Freedonia
Minion: Oh, piggy, piggy!
Dru: So, how are things going for you career-wise?
Gru: [laughing] Great! So, so, great! Crushing it.
Dru: Well, I've got something that I think you will find very interesting. [dials the code] Hold onto your face, brother. [chuckling, trying to down]
they both fall down
Minion: Yee-haw! Ya! Ya!
[they ride inside to the fan blade, then Gru and Dru continue falling down to the fan blade, then the Minion falls down, then the pig lands on his hand
Minion: Sunny.
another Minion falls down
Minion: Ah. Si, si.
the pig falls on the Minion
Minion: Ah, Sunny.
Gru: Oh. Oh. Oh!
Dru: [takes Gru] Come. Come on!
Gru: What is all this?
Dru: [offscreen] The pig farm was just a cover for the real family business.
the Minion laughs, speaking in Minionese
Minion: And boobs.
Dru: Now, feast your eyes on Dad's lair! Ta-dah!
Gru: Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. So, our dad was a villain?
Dru: No, no, no, not just a villain. One of the greatest of all time! He was known as "The Bald Terror."
Gru: That's him? Our dad?
Dru: He was so proud of you and what a great villain you were.
Gru: [gasping] He was?
Dru: But, me, ah, uh, not so much. To Dad, I was just a failure. He never thought I had what it took to be a villain. But now, you can help me prove him wrong! Brother, teach me the art of villainy!
Gru: No. No, no, no, I can't do that.
Dru: What? But it, it's our family tradition! You can't say no to that!
Gru: Look, I'm sorry. I left that life behind me. End of story.
Dru: Oh. Okay. I understand. Hmm. I wonder what this does. [pulls lever]
they Minions and the pig fall down, revealing a rocket car
Gru: Holey moley!
Dru: Dad's villain wheels! Pretty slick, huh? Hey, you want to take her out for a spin? Just for some fun?
they both go fast in a rocket car
Gru: Oh! Oh! Oh! Look out! Whoa, whoa! Whoa! Whoa, whoa! Whoa, whoa! Oh!
Dru: Ha-ha! What a beautiful day! Zero to 400 seconds. Able to withstand a nuclear blast. Armed to the teeth!
the car takes out the missles
Gru: Oh-ho-ho! Okay, that's pretty nice.
Dru: And it's a hybrid.
Gru: Oh, look out!
they go left, then they fall down, pressing the buttons, shooting a grappling ho
Gru: Help me! [vibrating] I am not enjoying this!
the car flies around, then cut to the town
Lucy: Whoa! What is going on here?
Fritz: Welcome to the annual Freedonian Cheese Festival.
Game Host: Go!
the man with the cheese slides down, then the man tries to slide down
Agnes: Oh, look! Look! Look at all the candies! [grabs the chick lollipops, imitating the peep]
Edith: Whoa-hoa-hoa! Lucy, can we get these?
Agnes: Please?
Lucy: Okay, but only one each. [grabs the coin] I mean it.
Edith: Aw.
Agnes: Aw, man.
Lucy: No, I don't. Get as many as you want. [takes the dollars to Edith and Agnes] I don't care.
Edith: Whoo-hoo!
Agnes: Yay! Awesome!
Margo: Uh...
Lucy: What?
Margo: Well, it's okay to tell them no sometimes, too. You know? Moms need to be tough.
Lucy: Right, right. Tough. Good one. I can totally do that. You know, still figuring out this mom thing. Gettin' my sea legs, matey.
they hear Agnes yelling
Agnes: It's a unicorn! Can we go in there? Please, please, please, please, please?
Scar-Faced Man throws the people out
Lucy: Uh, yeah, sure, yeah. You know, but first let's, um... [gasping] Oh, look! It's a traditional Freedonian dance. How amazing does that look?
People: [singing] Say, say, say cheese!
Lucy: Cheese! I love this. The little girls go and get the cheese from the little boys. Oh, that's adorable! Aw, look at that poor little guy. With his little boots.
Niko continues dancing
Lucy: Nobody picked him. Oh, Margo, why don't you go up there?
Margo: No way.
Lucy: Okay. Wait a minute. No, Go take a bite of his cheese, young lady, right now.
Margo: What?
Lucy: I'm being tougher. You know, like you said.
Margo: No, I meant be tougher on them. Not me.
Lucy: Oh, come on, just do it. What's the worst that could happen?
Niko squeaks his boots
Margo: [rolls her eyes] Fine. [walks to Niko, gasping]
Niko: Wow.
Margo: [to Niko] Hey, there. I'm Margo.
Niko: Hello, Margo! I am Niko. Would you like some of my cheese?
Margo: [nervously eats his cheese] Mmm!
People: [continue singing] Say, say, say cheese!
Niko: Yes! Yes! Yes! Thank you, Margo! Thank you!
Margo: Whoo-ha-ha-hey!
Lucy: Bam! I am a great mother.
People: [continue singing] Say, say, say cheese!
Lucy: Did you see that, girls? I laid down the... [looks around] Oh, no. Where are they? Ooh, Agnes? Edith!
Edith: Hello.[chuckles nervously]
they both walk in
Agnes: Look! A unicorn horn! My little brain is going to explode!
Edith: Oh, Agnes, that's fake.
Scar-Faced Man: Oh-ho. Ho-ho. It's real, all right.
Agnes gasps
Scar-Faced Man: That horn came from the Crooked Forest, the only place on earth where unicorns still live.
they all laugh, then the man throws a dart on the nose, spitting at the man
Scar-Faced Man: Laugh, laugh, all of you! Ah-ha-ha! Ah-ha-ha! They all think I'm crazy. But I'm telling you, I saw one once with my own eye.
Agnes: Wait. You saw a for-real-life UNICORN?! What did it look like? [gasping] Did you pet it? Did it smell like candy? Was it... FLUFFY?!
Scar-Faced Man: It was so fluffy. [choked up] I thought I was gonna die.
Agnes: Do you think maybe I could find one, too?
Scar-Faced Man: Oh. They say if a maiden pure of heart goes into the Crooked Forest, the unicorn will come and be hers, forever.
Agnes starts to squeal, then screaming, breaking the window
Lucy: Agnes! [kicks the man, grabbing the man, kicking the man, grabbing the table, kicking the man] Goal! Excuse me. [takes a dart off, putting another on the nose] Girls, don't worry, I'm here. Are you okay?
Edith: Yeah, we're fine. Are you?
Agnes: Unicorns are really real! And I'm gonna find one!
Lucy: Aw. Sorry. Went a little Mama Bear on you. You know, I heard a scream and... Yeah, okay. Have a good one.
Gru and Dru continue driving down, knocking the candy truck
Dru: Wait for me here.
Gru: Oh. Stop that! Ow! You kicked me.
Dru opens a door
Gru: Hey! Hey! What are you doing?
Dru grabs the lollipops
Gru: Did you just steal candy?
Dru: Yes!
Gru: That's a lot effort for two lollipops.
the policemen go down to Gru and Dru
Dru: Oh, oh, no! The police! What do we do, what do we do?
Gru: [laughing] Come on this is gonna be fun!
they all go down, while they continue charging at Gru and Dru
Dru: [screaming] THE POLICE ARE GONNA GET US! [screaming] I'M FREAKING OUT! PIGS!
the car stops by the pigs
Dru: COPS!
the policemen continue riding down, landing by the pigs, then they continue driv
Dru: Ha! Whoa! They're back!
Gru: Ha-ha. All right. [presses a button, then the car flies up, putting a drill on, going underground, then going on the water]
Dru: Ooh, ooh, man, that was crazy! We were so close to getting busted.
Gru: Tell me about it. I thought you were going to pee your pants.
Dru: [offscreen] I did!
Gru: [offscreen] You did!
cut to the Minions, in Los Angeles, walking down, exhausted and hungry, Mel is c
Minion: Hey, Mel.
the man with pizza passes by the Minions
Minion: Huh? La pizza.
the Minions run down to get the pizza, while the Minions continue chanting, Offi
Officer Guard 1: What are you doing? Intruders! Intruders!
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