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DESPICABLE ME 2
Written by
Cinco Paul & Ken Daurio
EXT: ARCTIC CIRCLE - DAY
Snow and ice as far as the eye can see. What looks like a
windowless MILITARY BASE surrounded by barbed wire fences
sits in the middle of the wasteland.
TITLE CARD: TOP SECRET RESEARCH LABORATORY. ARCTIC CIRCLE.
At the GUARD GATE, two RUSSIAN GUARDS play poker using an
overturned barrel as a table.
Russian Guard 1 shows a five of diamonds... and four Aces.
The other Guard folds. Russian Guard 1 LAUGHS and drags in
the pile of coins.
While he SPEAKS IN RUSSIAN and does a celebratory dance, the
coins fly up into the air. Russian Guard 1 stops dancing and
sees that the coins are gone. He accuses the other Guard of
stealing them. Russian Guard 2 swears he didn't take them.
Russian Guard 1 grabs a shovel and wields it menacingly,
until it flies up into the air. They both look up to see
where it's gone. Then the metal barrel they were using as a
table flies up, knocking them over.
Russian Guard 2 looks up to see a GIGANTIC MAGNET SHIP
LOWERING DOWN FROM ABOVE AND HOVERING OVER THE LABORATORY.
A watchtower guard shouts. A door below opens as a bunch of
Guards run out and point their guns at the magnet ship.
Then...WOOSH! All of their guns are pulled up towards the
ship, including the guards themselves, who are strapped to
their guns.
A SNOWMOBILE lifts off the ground and flies up to the magnet.
Other vehicles and small buildings begin to pull away from
the ground.
Then--
THE ENTIRE LAB STARTS TO GET PULLED UP OUT OF THE GROUND.
CLANK! The lab makes contact with the ship. It flies up and
down, shaking the scientists and guards off. They fall to
the ground. The magnet ship flies away with their lab,
vehicles, and weapons.
The remaining guards and scientists are strewn across the
snow with the remnants of the damaged base. We see a porta-
potty door open. A Confused Guard is sitting on the can
reading a newspaper, having missed the entire incident. He
closes the door.
MATCH CUT TO:
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 2.
INT: AVL HEADQUARTERS - NIGHT
SECURITY FOOTAGE of the research station named PX LABS being
carried away by the magnet ship plays on the screens at AVL
Headquarters.
We see the back of several heads watching the footage.
There's a heavy sigh.
SILAS
Three weeks and we're still no
closer to cracking this?
No response.
SILAS (CONT'D)
Right... bring him in.
LUCY (O.S.)
Yes, sir.
EXT: SUBURBAN STREET - DAY
Gru steps toward camera, holding some sort of menacing gun,
which he loads and cocks. He pulls the trigger, which shoots
out an inflatable unicorn balloon.
Smiling, he ties it to the windowsill next to some others.
EXT: GRU'S BACKYARD - DAY
A banner reads: "Happy Birthday Agnes!" and a massive
backyard party is in full swing. The yard is decorated with
pink balloons and streamers, and a BOUNCY HOUSE shaped like a
castle.
AGNES and several other LITTLE GIRLS slide down a slide.
They are all dressed as princesses, but Agnes is dressed as a
princess riding a unicorn.
AGNES
This is the best party EVER!!!
Edith, dressed as a ninja, emerges from beneath a table and
climbs across the monkey bars as a series of jousts, blades,
and boxing gloves come up from the ground underneath her.
She jumps down, narrowly avoiding a bear trap.
EDITH
Haha! Yeah!
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 3.
Two LITTLE GIRLS fish in a small kiddie pool. One of the
girls pulls up a toy duck and then razzes the other girl, but
then a LIVE PIRANHA jumps out and eats the toy duck.
A BOY and a GIRL sword fight. The Boy does a bunch of fancy
moves. The Girl waits for him to finish and then pounds him
on the head with a club.
Two kids in the background are on a see-saw made of bombs.
Agnes runs into the middle of the yard and points offscreen.
AGNES
Oh no! A dragon is approaching!
All of the kids turn and see KYLE dressed as a dragon. He
GRUMBLES and then they SCREAM and huddle around Agnes. Then
Margo enters wearing a SUIT OF ARMOR and wielding a SWORD.
MARGO
Fear not, for here come the gallant
knights to save us!
She gestures to a group of minions wearing tiny suits of
armor and wielding various MEDIEVAL WEAPONS. The Kids CHEER
as the minions charge toward Kyle. One accidentally hits
another with his sword. A fight ensues in which they use the
medieval weapons on each other.
One minion pounds another with a MACE. One Minion wanders off
from the fight with his helmet on backwards, wildly swinging
his mace.
Across the yard, Gru is busy grilling burgers and talking on
the phone. Not happy.
GRU
No, no, no! What do you mean she's
not coming?! I have a backyard
full of these little girls who are
counting on a visit from a fairy
princess!
The mace-swinging Minion walks by and accidently, repeatedly
hits Gru with the mace in the shin.
GRU (CONT'D)
Ah! Hurts! Ah! Stop it!
Gru kicks the minion's helmet and chases him off with a
spatula, sending him towards the party swinging his mace.
Gru SIGHS and returns to the call.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 4.
GRU (CONT'D)
Listen! I don't want a refund! I
want a fairy princess... please!
Please, I am begging you.
(Resigned)
You know what? I hope that you can
sleep at night, you crusher of
little girls' dreams!!!
Gru hits the phone with his spatula and hangs up. Turns and
sees Agnes standing there.
AGNES
Ooh ooh! When's the Fairy Princess
coming?
Gru stares down at Agnes' big excited eyes. He opens his
mouth to tell her the truth, but can't do it.
GRU
Any minute now!
Agnes squeals with excitement and runs off.
AGNES
Yayyy!
Gru looks worried--what do I do now? He signals two minions.
GRU
Stall them.
EXT: BACKYARD - LATER
A hand-painted piece of cardboard reading "THE MAGIC SHOW" is
placed on an easel. Agnes and all of the little kids sit in
a semicircle on the grass. Two minions dressed as magicians
are doing a magic act with Edith as their assistant. One
minion blows up a balloon and puts it in Edith's mouth. Then
the other whips out a CHAINSAW and fires it up, heading
toward her.
Margo sees this and quickly intervenes.
MARGO
Whoa! Whoa! Okay, okay, alright.
That's enough of the magic show!
The minions don't hide their disappointment.
MINIONS
Awwww.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 5.
Margo suddenly looks around as if she just heard something.
MARGO
Wait, did you hear that? It
sounded like the twinkling sounds
of magical fairy dust.
AGNES
(gasps)
It's the fairy princess! She's
coming!
Margo gasps and points up to the sky.
MARGO
Look!
Edith spits out her magic balloon in horror and we follow it
up to reveal--
Gru. Dressed in a PUFFY PINK DRESS, fairy wings, glittery
eyelashes and tiara and magical wand.
Up on top of Gru's house, the minions struggle to lower him
down on a rope. Edith's balloon floats by and distracts
them.
They let go of the rope and Gru swings wildly, smashing into
the wall of the house and crashing to the ground.
GRU
Aaaaaahh!
He stands up and tries to cover.
Agnes SIGHS HAPPILY, in awe of the fairy princess.
GRU (CONT'D)
(in falsetto)
It is I, Gru...zinkerbell! The
most magical fairy princess of all!
And I am here to wish Princess
Agnes a very happy birthday!
Gru sprinkles the girls with glitter and they continue to
stare, frozen. Then a LITTLE GIRL raises her hand and speaks
with a lisp.
LITTLE GIRL
How come you're tho fat?
Gru grits his teeth, then forces a smile and speaks with a
high-pitched, dreamy voice.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 6.
GRU
Because my house is made of candy
and sometimes I eat instead of
facing my problems.
The girl starts to ask another question.
LITTLE GIRL
How come you have-
Gru cuts her off with a puff of fairy dust to the face. She
COUGHS.
GRU
Okay! Time for cake!
As the kids run to the table, Agnes approaches Gru.
AGNES
Thank you, Gru-zinkerbell. You're
the best fairy princess ever!
Gru smiles.
GRU
(in falsetto)
You are welcome, little girl.
She runs off, but quickly returns.
AGNES
(whispers in his ear)
I know it's really you, Gru. I'm
just pretending for the other kids.
She runs off again to join her friends. Gru watches her go.
Couldn't be happier. Then he is approached by JILLIAN, a
heavily-Botoxed mom.
JILLIAN
Hey there, Gru, Mr. Life of the
Party!
GRU
(forcing a smile)
Hello, Jillian.
JILLIAN
Sooooo, I'm gonna go out on a limb
here, but my friend Natalie is
recently single, and...
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 7.
In the background, a homely NATALIE leans against a buffet
table and seductively raises her eyebrows at Gru. The table
collapses to the ground beneath her.
GRU
(realizes what's going on)
No, no, no, get off of the limb
right now. No limb.
JILLIAN
Oh, come on...she's a riot. She
sings karaoke, she has a lot of
free time, looks aren't that
important to her...
In the background, Natalie inadvertently walks in front of a
bottle pitch game, is struck by a ball, and falls to the
ground.
GRU
No, Jill's, that is not happening.
Seriously. I'm fine.
JILLIAN
(calling after Gru)
Okay, fine. Forget Natalie. How
about my cousin Linda?
Gru walks off, passing by Edith and Margo.
GRU
No.
JILLIAN
Oh, oh! I know someone whose
husband just died!
SPLASH! Suddenly Jillian is sprayed in the face with water.
Reveal Gru holding a HOSE with a SPRAY NOZZLE.
GRU
I'm sorry. I did not see you
there.
SPLASH! He sprays her again. She falls down.
GRU (CONT'D)
Or there.
He drops the hose and walks away, CHUCKLING softly.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 8.
EXT: GRU'S HOUSE - DUSK
Gru takes Kyle out to the front yard.
CAMERA POV
A camera with nightvision is watching them. The screen
analyzes Kyle and a readout comes out as "SPECIES: UNKNOWN."
Kyle sniffs Gru's flowers.
GRU
Kyle... Kyle!
Then it analyzes Gru and the readout says "TARGET ACQUIRED."
GRU (CONT'D)
Ky--Kyle! No, do not do your
business on the petunias!
Kyle lifts up his leg next to Gru's flowers.
He picks Kyle up and places him next to his neighbor's bush.
GRU (CONT'D)
There you go. Those are Fred's.
Go crazy.
Kyle does and the bush immediately withers and dies. Gru
CHUCKLES.
GRU (CONT'D)
Good boy.
VOICE (O.S.)
Mr. Gru?
Gru turns and sees Lucy Wilde standing there.
GRU
Wha? I didn't... What... Yes?
LUCY
(holds up her badge)
Hi! Agent Lucy Wilde of the AVL.
(realizes her badge is
upside down)
Oh. Whoops.
(clears her throat, all
business)
Sorry, you're gonna have to come
with me.
GRU
Oh, sorry, I--Freeze Ray!
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 9.
Gru whips out his FREEZE RAY and fires it. A WALL OF ICE
heads for Lucy.
But before it gets to her, Lucy pulls out a retractable gun
from her purse, which acts as a FLAMETHROWER. Melting the
ice.
LUCY
You know you really should announce
your weapons after you fire them,
Mr. Gru. For example--
She pulls out a LIPSTICK. Fires it at Gru. The tip flies
through the air and connects with his chest, latching on.
ZZZZZAPPP! It tases him, which sends his body flailing in
different funny poses before passing out.
LUCY (CONT'D)
Lipstick Taser! Oh, it works so
good.
EXT: STREET - LATER
Lucy tries to drag Gru to her car, but he's too heavy.
LUCY
Man. Ugh. Large...person.
She gets an idea.
Lucy gets into her car. In the background, we see Gru begin
to come to, but he is struck by Lucy's car as she pulls back
and is knocked out again.
LUCY (CONT'D)
Oh...sorry!
Closer now, Lucy gets out and stuffs his body into the trunk.
Just then Tom and Stuart come out of Gru's garage and see
their boss being loaded in. Lucy struggles to close the
trunk.
LUCY (CONT'D)
Get...in...there...you...big...man!
SLAM! Lucy finally slams the trunk then quickly gets into
the vehicle.
Tom and Stuart exchange horrified looks.
TOM AND STUART
Boss!
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 10.
They take off running after the car as it pulls away, running
as fast as their tiny legs will carry them. They get right
behind it and Tom LEAPS up onto the trunk. He reaches his
hand out to Stuart, who is falling behind.
TOM
Koom ey lah!
STUART
Koom ey lah! Koom ey lah!
Stuart leaps for the bumper and Tom catches him by his
overall straps. Tom holds on tight as Stuart dangles from
the back of the car, his overall straps stretching way out.
STUART (CONT'D)
Aaaaaaiiieeeaaaiiieeeaaaah!
As Lucy turns a corner, he slams into some garbage cans and
ends up skiing behind the car in a cardboard box.
Now in the box, Stuart continues to ride behind the car, and
even starts to get the hang of that, too. He waves at Tom,
and Tom waves back.
STUART (CONT'D)
Woooo!
TOM
Ooooh!
All is good until they go past a clothesline and a sheet gets
stuck on Stuart.
The sheet forms a parasail which lifts Stuart up into the
air. He strikes a Superman flying pose. Then a flock of
GEESE fly toward him and one actually slams into his face.
STUART
Quack quack!
It SQUAWKS at him as it flies off.
Lucy spots the commotion in her side view mirror and slams on
the brakes. SCREECH! Both minions fly forward--
INT: LUCY'S CAR - SAME
Lucy sees this, drives forward, and opens the convertible
top, causing the Minions to land right in the passenger's
seat. They strike threatening karate poses.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 11.
TOM AND STUART
Hi-YAH!!
Lucy tases them and they pass out. She floors it.
EXT: STREET - SAME
Lucy's car continues driving until it reaches a crowded PIER.
And doesn't stop. It drives right off the end of the pier.
A confused fisherman leaps for his life.
CONFUSED FISHERMAN
What the-- Oh!
SPLASH!
INT: OCEAN - SAME
Lucy's car now transforms into an UNDERWATER VEHICLE. As the
minions come to, one of them tries playing with the radio
until Lucy slaps his hand away. They speed through the sea
and an octopus slams into her windshield. She turns on the
wipers, which hits the octopus in the face until he's had
enough and swims off in a cloud of ink.
She HONKS her HORN as she passes through a school of fish.
MINIONS
Whoa...
As the fish pass the Minions look ahead to see a shark
heading for them with his mouth open. They SCREAM. Lucy
quickly steers the car out of harm's way. They pass by
several more sharks until they arrive at a GIANT SUBMARINE
with the letters "AVL" on the side.
A HATCH opens and Lucy's car goes inside. The hatch closes
behind her.
INT: AVL SUB - SAME
The water drains out from the holding dock. A buffer and
hair dryer come out to dry off the car. A squeegee wipes off
the windshield.
Then the platform the car is on lowers down.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 12.
INT: AVL ROOM - DAY
Lucy's car lowers into the center of the room as a large
circular table assembles around it, effectively locking them
in.
Lucy and the Minions get out of the car. She pushes a button
on her remote and Gru, with a starfish attached to his head,
is ejected from the trunk.
GRU
(groggily)
Ugh...ooh...what...where...ah...oh,
foot's asleep...ah...pins and
needles...
SILAS (O.S.)
Good afternoon, Mr. Gru.
GRU
Ehhh...
SILAS
I apologize for our methods in
getting you here.
LUCY
I don't. I'd do it again in a
heartbeat. I am not gonna lie--I
enjoyed that. Every second of it.
Gave me a bit of a buzz, actually.
SILAS
That's enough, Agent Wilde.
LUCY
Sorry, sir.
GRU
Okay, this is bogus!
Gru peels the starfish off his head and drops it onto Tom's.
Stuart LAUGHS at him.
GRU (CONT'D)
I don't know who you people think
you are, but--
A WAITER comes over with tea for Silas.
SILAS
We are the Anti-Villain League.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 13.
As Silas summons a map that shows all of the AVL offices
around the world, Lucy's car drops out of the way. Stuart is
trapped on the lowering platform and he scrambles to get back
onto stable ground. Silas continues.
SILAS (CONT'D)
An ultra-secret organization
dedicated to fighting crime on a
global scale. Rob a bank? We're
not interested. Kill someone? Not
our deal. But you want to melt the
polar ice caps? Or vaporize Mt.
Fuji? Or even steal the moon?
Then we notice.
GRU
First of all, you've got no proof
that I did that. Second, after I
did do that, I put it back!
SILAS
We're well aware of that, Mr. Gru.
That's why we've brought you here.
(beat)
I am the League's director, Silas
Ramsbottom.
Upon hearing the name, Tom and Stuart start giggling.
TOM
Bottom.
TOM AND STUART
Heeheheeeeheeehee.
Silas bristles at this, and glances over at Lucy.
SILAS
Hilarious. Agent Wilde...
LUCY
Oh, me now...?
She continues the de-briefing, turning to the screens, which
show an image of the Magnet Ship stealing the lab.
LUCY (CONT'D)
Um, recently an entire top secret
lab disappeared from the Arctic
Circle. Yeah, the entire lab.
Just whoosh. Voom! Gone. Where
did it go?
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 14.
GRU
I don't care.
The screen shows FOOTAGE of a TINY LITTLE BUNNY in a
scientific lab. Furry and adorable.
LUCY
The lab was devoted to experiments
involving PX-41, a transmutation
serum. What is PX-41, you ask?
Mmmm, it's pretty bad... Look.
A LABCOAT TECHNICIAN approaches the bunny with a SYRINGE
containing the purple liquid. Injects some in its butt.
TOM AND STUART
Aaah!
Instantly the bunny transforms into a HIDEOUS PURPLE MONSTER
BUNNY. Gru and the Minions smile, impressed.
Then it goes crazy and attacks the scientist. Gru covers his
eyes and the Minions pass out.
GRU
Oh!
The bunny attacks the technician, then the camera...and the
film is over.
GRU (CONT'D)
Hmm, you usually don't see that in
bunnies.
SILAS
As you can see, in the wrong hands,
the PX-41 serum could be the most
devastating weapon on earth.
(struggles to get through
the opening in the table)
Fortunately it has a very distinct
chemical footprint, and using the
latest chemtracking technology, we
found traces of it in the Paradise
Mall.
On the screens we see images depicting a highly technical
diagram of the shopping mall.
GRU
Ha! A mall?
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 15.
SILAS
Precisely. And we believe that one
of these shop owners is a master
criminal.
Silas scrolls through pictures of the mall's shop owners.
SILAS (CONT'D)
And that's where you come in. As
an ex-villain, you know how a
villain thinks, how a villain acts.
LUCY
The plan is to set you up
undercover at a shop in the mall,
where hopefully you'll be able to--
GRU
Okay, I see where this is going,
with all the Mission Impossible
stuff, but no. No! I am a father
now. And a legitimate businessman.
I am developing a line of delicious
jams and jellies.
Silas shoots him a look. He CHUCKLES.
SILAS
Jams and...jellies?
GRU
Oh, attitude! That's right! So
thanks, but no thanks.
(beat)
And here's a tip--instead of tasing
people and kidnapping them, maybe
you should just give them a call!
Good day, Mr. Sheepsbutt!
SILAS
Ramsbottom.
GRU
(chuckles)
Oh, yeah, like that's any better!
Gru turns and heads for the door, followed by Tom and Stuart,
who continue to GIGGLE about Ramsbottom's name.
EXT: OCEAN - NIGHT
Gru exits the AVL headquarters, which he now sees is on a
SUBMARINE.
DESPICABLE ME 2 CINCO & KEN DRAFT 16.
Lucy leans out the door and taps him on the shoulder.
LUCY
Look, I probably shouldn't be
saying this, but your work as a
villain was kind of amazing, so if
you ever want to get back to doing
something awesome--give us a call.
She hands Gru her BUSINESS CARD. Gru takes it and stares at
it.
EXT: OCEAN - LATER
Gru rows back to shore as Tom yells to him like a coxswain.
Gru GRUNTS with each stroke.
TOM
("Stroke!")
Mack-oh! Mack-oh! Mack-oh!
INT: GRU'S HOUSE - NIGHT
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