Songtext
Wähl bis zu sechs Zeilen für eine Karte aus.
Estabilishing shot of Los Angeles, 1977 (title card reading that shows up, followed by the credits that roll until the next cut to black)
Cut to HOUSE, NIGHT
A young boy, Bobby (Ty Simpkins) sneaks into his father's room and takes out a porno magazine from under his bed. Bobby checks out the centerfold, adult film star Misty Mountains (Murielle Telio). In the distance, a car rolls down a hill. The car then crashes through Bobby's house and out into a ditch. He runs outside to check it out.
MISTY MOUNTAINS lies twisted against the wreckage, completely nude, resembling the centerfold Bobby just saw. Bobby can't help staring, he tries to make sense of what he's seeing: that's Misty Mountains. That’s her in the flesh.
Her breath comes in hitches, gulps. Eyes, swimming. unfocused. She notices BOBBY. Fixes him with a pain-wracked stare. Says:
MISTY MOUNTAINS: How... do you like my car... Big Boy..?
SIRENS, approaching. She convulses. Spasms once, twice, BLOOD -pots from her mouth. She dies staring at him. The strangest moment in this kid's young life.The two of them in tableau, SIRENS, closer now. Wind, gusting. We hold—. And then Bobby does something odd, He grips his pajama top, Yanks it over his head, Shivers, it's cold, steps up next to the corpse... Delicately lays the fabric across her
Black. Cut to...
CHEERFUL MUSIC PLAYS as a video titled "Pool Side Manners" begins. Three children walk down a staircase, towels in their backs.
NARRATOR: Bart, Sarah and Jonathan are spending their leisure day at the city pool. Aren't they lucky?
They play with a beach ball and jump in the pool. As they climb up the stairs, the narration returns.
NARRATOR:Let's see what they have brought with them to the pool today.
Bart with his white towel spread out.
NARRATOR: Bart has a plain towel.
A "ding" is heard as text reading "Adjective!" "PLAIN" appear on screen and Bart smiles. Next, Sarah with a yellow towel.
NARRATOR: Sarah has a bright towel.
Again with "Adjective!" "BRIGHT". Next, Jonathan with a rainbow-colored towel.
NARRATOR: Jonathan has a gay towel.
Cut to the classroom watching this cheesy video, everyone laughing
As the camera focuses on a certain female student - in front of a classmate who falls off his chair laughing - we then hear a voiceover by JACKSON HEALY(Russell Crowe)...
JACKSON HEALY (VO): There's something wrong with kids today. They know too much.
Cut to: OUTSIDE SCHOOL
The girl is walking out the bus, saying goodbye to her classmates. Jackson still talking.
HEALY (VO): Take this little gem. She's 13. Already she's got herself a winner.
The girl approaches a nearby convertible, GIGGLING all the way as she talks to the driver. After a school bus passes behind her, we see Healy in a nearby bench, watching her as he reads the newspaper.
HEALY (VO): Sure, he's three times her age, but he's got money for pot and he drives a nice car.
Inside the creep's house, the two in the couch smoking pot.
CREEP: Who's the man, baby? Who's the man?
GIRL: You are. You're the man.
CREEP: Yeah. That's right. That's right. I'm the man.
GIRL: Oh, yes. You're my foxy-fox.
Pan to Jackson waiting in the house's garage, eating a sandwich and throwing the crumbs on the car
HEALY (VO): I'm not saying I wasn't a little bastard. I mean, I grew up Irish. The Bronx. Riverdale. I don't have a job title, I'm not in the Yellow Pages.
The girl leaves in her bicycle. Healy walks towards the house.
HEALY (VO): But if you got trouble with someone, someone's messing around with your underage daughter, you might ask around for me, Jackson Healy.
Cut to INSIDE CREEP'S HOUSE
Knocking is heard on the door, the creep opens it, Healy is there waiting.
HEALY: Are you the man?
CREEP: What?
Healy slugs him, breaking his jaw
HEALY-Stay away from little girls.
Healy walking out again the house again as the narration resumes.
HEALY (VO): Love. Grand, isn't it? I was in love once. Marriage is buying a house for someone you hate. Remember that.
Cut to INSIDE MARCH'S HOUSE
Television news, interview in a Car Exposition
REPORTER: I'm here with a representative of the Detroit Auto Manufacturers,Mr Bergen Paulsen. And, Mr Paulsen,
glad to have you here. I understand that you're in town
for the big show. Tell us a little bit about it.
BERGEN PAULSEN: Take a look at this outstanding line-up we have here for you. These cars are so incredible, they practically drive themselves.
REPORTER: I do have to ask you about the allegations about collusion in regards to a smog control device, the recent lawsuit against the Big Three.
BERGEN: I'm not gonna dignify that...
We see this report is being watched by HOLLAND MARCH (Ryan Gosling), who is fully clothed inside a filled bathtub. TELEPHONE RINGING. The answering machine beeps.
HOLLAND MARCH (VO): You have reached March Investigations. This machine records messages. Wait for the tone and speak clearly.
March closes his eyes, clearly his head hurts. ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS.
HOLLY (VO): This is your daughter speaking. Thursday, as you may remember, is my birthday. Please give accordingly. Also I hope you didn't forget that you're supposed to be working today.
March comes out of the tub, sits against the wall. His hand has a scribbled message: "YOU WILL NEVER BE HAPPY :)" He sighs.
MARCH (VO): I wish I wished for things, man.
Cut to GAS STATION
A smog-covered gas station, filled with cars, with plenty more in a line waiting for their turn.
HOLLAND (VO):My folks, they told me to reach for the stars, and then my pals in the force said reach for the brass ring, and then my wife died and I reached for whatever came in a gallon and cost a buck fifty. She used to say I got no follow-through. I hit nails in halfway and stop. She's not wrong.
In his car, March is shaving while reading the newspaper, in a page with the headline "Brazil's killer bee rampage continues". Everyone else honks as a fight starts between two drivers.
MAN: Hey, there's a line, asshole!
MAN 2:Hey, what are you doing?
HOLLAND (VO):They implemented a no-fault divorce here a couple of years back that really screwed things up. A lot of private cops folded.
March GROANS as he injures himself with the electric razor
HOLLAND (VO):Not me. I got this guy in a local retirement park. He kicks a few cases my way.
Cut to HOUSE
Holland takes notes from a potential costumer.
WOMAN: It's my husband. Fred's his name.
HOLLAND:Fred.
WOMAN: He's gone missing.
MARCH: Missing?
WOMAN: I'm terribly worried. It's just Fred's never been
gone this long before.
Holland notices a urn of ashes with Fred's name
HOLLAND:How long has he been missing?
WOMAN: Since the funeral.
HOLLAND:Well, I can start right away.
Cut to: STREET
Healy leaves his car, approaches the young Amelia (Margaret Qualley) in her own.
JACKSON: Amelia?
AMELIA: Mr Healy. Um, I think there's two of them, but I only have the name and description for the one. You can take care of them?
She delivers a note in a paper shaped like a pink cow.
HEALY: Consider it done.
AMELIA: Thank you. I feel better already.
HEALY: It's my job.
AMELIA: (SIGHS) They've been following me around and asking my friends where I live. I've just been really scared, but, um, you make me feel safe.
HEALY: You're short.
AMELIA: I'm what?
HEALY: You're $7 short.
AMELIA: (SNIFFLES) Right, um... Sorry. Um...
A flyer for Healy's services is seen on Amelia's back seat. Cut to him in the car after she gave him the money, with Amelia seen driving away. Healy again starts a voiceover.
JACKSON (VO): Sometimes I feel okay about things.Not often. Could try for an investigator's licence. Become a P.I. Those guys help people. Maybe then I'd feel good in the morning.
Cut to: SEX SHOP
March is talking to the cashier, even showing a photocopy of a driver's license.
HOLLAND: She's got dark hair, about yea high. Name's Amelia. She might be from the neighbourhood.
CASHIER: No, can't help you, buddy.
HOLLAND: No?
CASHIER: Sorry.
March leaves the shop, passes by plenty of porn ads on the way to the street (which has a prostitute, among other sleazy people) and returns with the monologue.
HOLLAND (voiceover): I work in a cesspool. Sex. More sex. My wife, she used to say I make a living off rumpy-pumpy. Whatever. She was English. I don't know what the fuck it means either. The point is I don't care if Colonel Mustard did it in the study with a candlestick, I just wanna know who he did it with and get the pictures.
Cut to: BAR, INT (NIGHT)
BARTENDER: Yeah, I think I remember her. Amelia, right?
Was in here three or four nights ago. Drank bourbon martinis.
MARCH: Well, that's disgusting. Any chance she, uh, paid with a credit card?
BARTENDER: As in, am I gonna pull the receipts for you? Fat fucking chance.
He SNORTS before seeing March has folded a dollar bill into a shirt.
BARTENDER: Is that a shirt?
MARCH: Yeah.
BARTENDER: It's very pretty.
MARCH: I made it myself.
BARTENDER: Yeah? (takes out a baseball bat) I made this.
Cut to: BAR, EXT (NIGHT)
Later, the bartender has finished another work day, and leaves through the backdoor. March is waiting nearby for his departure
HOLLAND (VO): Look, I'm not saying it's easy. I'm not saying you don't gotta think on your feet, bend a few rules maybe, but it's worth it, as long as you get the results.
March goes up the stairs. He carefully wraps a cloth around his hands to protect them, punches through the glass... and slices his entires wrist open on the jagged shards.
HOLLAND: Okay, that's it. That's a lot of blood. That is a lot... That's a lot of blood.
Holland falls into the garbage cans below.
Cut to AMBULANCE
The SIREN is WAILING; Holland is inside, on a breathing apparatus, receiving first aid on the way to the hospital.
EMT: We're losing him. Go! Hurry up! Now, don't go anywhere. Don't... Stay with me. Stay with me! Sir.
Some time afterwards, outside the hospital, March is in a wheelchair, being pushed by a nun.
NUN:Now, tell me, are you willing to find God?
MARCH: Look, I'm trying to find Amelia.
Cut to: STREET, DAY
NEWSCASTER (VO): Good morning, Los Angeles. Today, yet another stage-two smog alert. The A.Q.M.D. has cautioned residents not to stay outside or engage in unnecessary exercise before 6:00 p.m. In other news, a police spokesman says he has not ruled out foul play in the death of adult film star Misty Mountains, whose car went off-road in the early hours of last Tuesday. And now back to America's fa
Cut to HEALY'S APT
Healy wakes up, puts his watch and shoes, brushes his teeth, feeds his fish, and gets a "word of the day calendar"
HEALY: "Equanimity. "The quality of being calm and even-tempered." He accepted her betrayal with equanimity.
Flashback, Healy and his wife in a restaurant. As he drinks...
HEALY'S WIFE: Jack, I'm fucking your dad.
Healy spits and ends up throwing the rest of the water on her lap.
HEALY: What?
Back to the present. The television keeps playing, Healy pushes a switch and all the lights and electrical appliances shut down. Healy leaves his apartment.
Cut to MARCH'S STREET
Healy is seen driving to March's house. Along the way, iIn an empty lot, he sees a girl - Holly March (Angourie Rice) - mimicking opening a door and sitting somewhere to read. Outside March's house, Healy checks the address, and then rings the doorbell.
MARCH: Who is it?
HEALY: Messenger service. Holland March home?
March opens the door, Healy tackles him
MARCH: What the fuck?
HEALY: Mr March, we're gonna play a game.
MARCH: I think you have the wrong house.
MARCH is thrown around.
HEALY: It's called, "Shut up unless you're me."
MARCH: (GROANING) I love that game.
Healy gets a business card.
HEALY: You're a private investigator?
MARCH: Look, there's 20 bucks in there, all right? Just take it.
HEALY: No, I'm not here for that. I told you, I'm a messenger. You can afford to live like this as a P.I.?
MARCH: What's the message?
HEALY: Oh, right, right. (CLEARS THROAT) Stop looking for Amelia, all right?
MARCH: I'm not even looking for Amelia. She's a person of interest, man. Fine. I'm done. Put a fork in me. Don't really put a fork in me.
HEALY: Amelia's gonna be very happy that you got the message so quickly. It's gonna make her smile.
MARCH: That's good.
HEALY: Now, (CLEARS THROAT) I got one more thing I need to ask you before we're done here.
MARCH: You wanna know who hired me.
HEALY: Bingo. Yeah. Now, we can do this the easy way or we can do it the hard way.
MARCH: Glenn.
HEALY: What?
MARCH: Lily Glenn. Two N's. Old lady hired me to find her niece on Tuesday.
HEALY: You just gave up your client.
MARCH: Made a discretionary revelation.
March starts to get up
HEALY: No. No, you just gave her up. I asked you one simple question. (EXCLAIMS) You gave me all the information.
MARCH: I thought that's what you wanted.
HEALY: What?
Now standing, March tries to get a pistol hidden in the cookie jar, points it to Healy, and ends up falling to the ground with a punch.
HEALY: Now, I'm very sorry that you didn't get the message.
MARCH: Me, too. (SNIFFS) But I get it now. (CLEARS THROAT) I get it. I dig it.
March tries crawling towards the tossed gun, Healy kicks it away.
MARCH: Shit!
HEALY: What about now? You get the message now?
MARCH: Yep.
HEALY: Are you sure?
MARCH: Yeah, I'm cool.
HEALY: All right. Give me your left arm.
MARCH: Huh?
HEALY: Your left arm. Give me your left arm. This one.
MARCH: No!
HEALY: Yeah, come on.
MARCH: No! Get... No!
Healy gets the arm
HEALY: Did you cut yourself?
MARCH: I'm dealing with an injury.
HEALY: Right, look, when you're talking to your doctor, just tell him you have a spiral fracture of the left radius.
MARCH: No! No.
HEALY: Deep breath.
MARCH: No!
As Healy twists the arm, we hear the BONE CRACK. March screams like a little girl.
HEALY: Do you mind if I have an apple?
(GROANS)
HEALY: All right, Mr March. You have a good day, okay?
GRUNTING
Cut to MARCH'S STREET
As Healy approaches his car, Holly comes near him with a brown bag.
HOLLY: Hi.
HEALY: Hey.
HOLLY: Want a Yoo-hoo?
HEALY: A Yoo-hoo? Are you kidding?
HOLLY: Oh, yeah.
Holly gives him a bottled chocolate milk.
HEALY: You know, I haven't had one of these in about 30 years.
HOLLY: Are you a friend of my dad's?
HEALY: Yeah, yeah. We're business associates. He's inside resting. Didn't I see you crawling round a vacant lot a couple of blocks over?
HOLLY: Um, maybe. I read there sometimes.
HEALY: Right. "It's me-he for Yoo-hoo!" Thanks again.
HOLLY: Bye.
CUT TO: THE COMEDY STORE
Healy is seen entering the famed comedy club carrying a crate of Yoo-hoos. A comedian is on stage.
STAND-UP COMIC: Because the gas prices are up 16 cents a gallon, uh, the US now is looking into alternative fuels.
There's a process where you can put corn in and gas comes out.I'm no scientist,but that's been my process
with corn for years.
LAUGHTER is heard as Healy walks back to his apartment in the club's back. Outside the door, he meets an OLDER black GUY (Keith David).
OLDER GUY: Hey.
HEALY: It's not a public area up here.
BLACK MAN: Wow. You got like an apartment up here?
HEALY: If you're looking for the restroom, back down the stairs.
a GUN COCKING is heard. Another guy (Beau Knapp) points it at Healy's head
OTHER MAN: We're looking for Amelia.
He hits Healy, who proceeds to drop the crate on the floor, smashing the bottles
Cut to MRS GLENN's HOUSE
MRS GLENN: I'm telling you, I saw her, Mr March. I didn't imagine it. I saw my Misty alive.
MARCH: Mrs Glenn, be reasonable. This is a high-profile case. Your niece is a very famous... Actress, and the head medical examiner ID'd her himself.
MRS GLENN: I saw her through the front window.
MARCH:You didn't.
MRS GLENN: Clear as day. She was wearing...
MARCH:The pinstriped suit. I know. Very specific.
MRS GLENN: She was writing something and then she came out and she drove away and this was two days after the accident. And I thought that you said you found her. Now, what was that bonus payment?
MARCH:I never said I found her. I said I was tracking the girl that you saw and that was probably this young lady, Amelia.
MRS GLENN: Why don't you believe me?
MARCH:Mrs Glenn, Misty's dead. She died in that accident. I never should have taken your money in the first place. I'm very sorry about that.
MRS GLENN: Even... No, even if this Amelia girl isn't my niece, she might know something. Please, please, will you keep looking?
MARCH:No.
MRS GLENN:Mr March...
MRS GLENN CLEARS THROAT, OPENS HER CHECK BOOK. He backs out on leaving.
Cut to OUTSIDE MRS. GLENN'S HOUSE
March leaves Mrs. Glenn's house and goes to his car, where Holly is in the driving wheel.
MARCH: Can I ask you a question? Tell me the truth. And don't take it easy on me just 'cause I'm your father. You just tell it to me straight. Am I a bad person?
HOLLY: Yes.
MARCH:(SCOFFS) Just drive.
ENGINE STARTS, Holly drives away
Back to Healy's apartment
MAN: I'm gonna ask you again. Where is Amelia?
HEALY: I would like to help you, but I just don't know anybody called Amelia.
MAN:Oh. Okay. (kicks Healy in the face) You don't talk, I'm gonna have to start breaking your fingers. (LAUGHING) You understand?
HEALY:Yes, I understand.
OLDER GUY: Hey, hotshot, come on in here. I found something hidden in the cabinet.
MAN:Really? (MAN SCOFFS, points to Healy) Watch him.
HEALY:Oh, no. (GROANS) Hey, don't open that because that's not mine. It belongs to a friend. I just, uh... I look after it for him. But it's one of those bags. If you try to open it...
(an EXPLOSION is heard. One of those security dye packs blew up in the guy's face, turning half of it blue. For convenience's sake, let's call him BLUE FACE now.)
BLUE FACE: Oh, fuck! Fuck!
OLDER GUY: Shit!
BLUE FACE:(GROANING) Motherfucker! Motherfucker! I can't see nothing.
HEALY:Yeah.
BLUEFACE:Oh, God. What the fuck?
Starts washing his face with the aquarium water
BLUEFACE:Okay. Oh, yeah.
HEALY:(CLEARS THROAT) You know that colour doesn't come off, right?
Blueface SPITS
HEALY:I tried to tell you.
BLUE FACE: You tried to tell me?
Blue Face CHUCKLES, goes to the fish tank, grabs a fish and throws it at Healy
BLUE FACE: Fuck you!
HEALY:Hey, hey. Oh, no! Hey! Not the fish. Come on. Hey, can you ask this guy to behave like a professional?
Older Guy just throws his arms up
HEALY:You know, kid, when I get that gun off you, it's gonna be your dinner.
BLUE FACE: Dinner? (LAUGHING) It's fucking... You're funny. You're funny.
He goes back to the tank and gets the other fish.
HEALY:Don't... Don't...
BLUE FACE: Come on, fish. You want some fucking dinner? Do you want some dinner?
HEALY:Why are you doing this? This is not gonna help you.
BLUE FACE: There you go.
HEALY:Now, come on.
Blue Face chucks the fish on Healy's chest
BLUE FACE: You're gonna eat that thing, you fucking fuck!
HEALY:Look, you gotta stop and think about this, all right? When you came here tonight, was this what you wanted to happen? What, you came here to make me eat fish? To shoot me? Look, if you come in here, you beat up on me, you trash the place, I understand, I get it, it's part of the job. I accept it, all right? But what did you do? You did something different from that, didn't you? Right? You pi
Healy flips the switch, everything turns on
BLUE FACE: What the...
Blue Face tries to shoot Healy, hits a woman in a nearby building, who screams
OLDER GUY: You stupid son of a bitch.
Healy grabs a shotgun, Older Guy and Blue Face run away as he shoots twice, only wrecking the apartment even more
Cut to BOWLING ALLEY, DAY
UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING - namely, Kiss, "Rock And Roll All Night" - as March's car approaches a bowling alley. Inside, he's with Holly and her friends for her birthday. The girls scream a lot.
GIRL 1: Six. I'm a six.
GIRL 2: I'm a seven!
GIRL 1: Six.
GIRL 2: Seven!
MARCH: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Jesus Christ! One at a time!
The girls all go silent
JANET: You took the Lord's name in vain.
MARCH: No, I didn't, Janet. I found it very useful, actually. Okay, Janet?
GIRLS GIGGLING as they eat cake and ice cream
GIRL 3: Birthday girl!
Janet tries to bowl, accidentally throws the ball backwards, hitting the girls. ALL SCREAM.
Cut to: BATHROOM
March is seating in the toilet, smoking while reading a magazine. He sees a pair of feet stop in front of his stall.
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
HEALY: March. Jack Healy. Don't get upset. I'm not here to hurt you. I just wanna ask you a question.
March opens the door pointing his gun at Healy.
HEALY: Hey, no.
MARCH: How stupid do you think I am?I got a licence to carry, motherfucker. Ever since your little visit the other day, this little baby's gonna stay right here.
The stall door closes. As March opens it again, his cigarette falls between his legs into the toilet.
MARCH: Fuck, fuck.
The door continues to close despite March's attempts. March decides to get up and put on his pants and make it easier - struggling to juggle gun and magazine as he does so.
MARCH - Look away. Look...
Healy turns around.
HEALY: You know there's a mirror here, right?
MARCH: Close your eyes.
March gives up on pulling his pants.
MARCH:Fucking damn it. Forget it. You know what? Turn around.
HEALY: Can I open my eyes?
MARCH: Yeah, open your eyes.
March covering his junk with the magazine - an issue of Hours with Richard Nixon on the cover - while pointing the gun at Healy.
MARCH:What do you want?
HEALY: I want you to find Amelia.
Back to the alley
March and Healy are on a table
MARCH: So you think these guys are gonna hurt Amelia?
HEALY:Sure, after they're done killing her. You know, I asked around about you. There's a couple of people I trust say you're pretty good at this.
MARCH: Well, that's surprising. I would have thought your job ended with breaking my fucking arm.
HEALY:(CHUCKLES) Well, you know,technically it did. I'm off the clock. This is a separate situation.
MARCH: (CLICKS TONGUE) I'm not buying this nice guy act, pal. She owes you money, doesn't she? You're coming to collect? (Healy sighs)You want me to finger her so you can throw acid in her face? Well, no.
HEALY:No, she paid me up front, actually, you know. What it is, for me,is I like where I live and I don't wanna move. So, two days in advance. $400. (BREATHES DEEPLY) Plus whatever the old lady's giving you.
MARCH: Old lady? Fuck you, old lady. You broke my arm. I quit, remember?
HEALY:So call her up, get back on the case. Get paid twice.
MARCH: Wow, that is very telling. I'm a detective, and we have a code. We don't do that. But interesting. Good to know.
HEALY:Okay.
MARCH: Good to know.
HEALY:You were looking for Amelia, right?
MARCH: Yes and no.
HEALY:Excuse me?
MARCH: My profession is very complicated, okay? It's nuanced.
HEALY:What does that mean?
MARCH: Fuck it.Last week, this old broad comes to me and she asks me to find her niece, Misty Mountains.
HEALY:Misty Mountains? The porno actress? The one that died?
MARCH: The young lady. The porno young lady. But, yeah, she died in a crash and then two days later her aunt goes to her house to clean out the place, and lo and behold, alive and well, Misty Mountains.She sees her through the window.She sees her get in her car.She sees her drive away.
HEALY:Bullshit.
MARCH: Bullshit's right. She's dead and then she's alive. That's what I'm talking about. It's very fucking complicated. But I persevere, you know. I run the tape through and I think, "Okay, maybe there was a girl there."
HEALY:Amelia? The old lady saw Amelia?
MARCH: Well, look who decided to show up for class. Yeah. There's a gate guard, he keeps track of all the cars that go in and out. So I checked with him, I ran the plate, I got the name.
HEALY:And?
March extends three fingers
HEALY:Three. Three what?
MARCH: Three days in advance if you want the rest of the story.
HEALY:Fuck you. Come on, $600? That's fucking robbery. I've only got $400.
MARCH: Well, it's early. You can go rob a bank if you hurry.
HOLLY: (taps the bench twice and then claps)Ba dum tiss.
MARCH: Jesus! What are you doing here?
HOLLY: Giving you a rim job.
MARCH: What? Rim shot. Rim shot.
HOLLY: Whatever. Hey, can we go one more game before... [she recognizes Healy] You're the guy who beat up my dad.
MARCH:Hey. No. Sucker-punched your dad. Big difference. But don't worry. He just did it for money.
HOLLY: (CHUCKLES) You beat people up
and charge money?
HEALY: Yeah. Sad, isn't it?
HOLLY:That's really your job?
HEALY: Yeah.
HOLLY:No way.
HEALY: Yeah.
HOLLY:So, um, how much would you charge to beat up my friend Janet?
MARCH:What?
HEALY: How much you got?
HOLLY:30 bucks.
(March drags a pie plate towards Holly)
MARCH:Look, apple pie.
HEALY: Is she a big girl?
HOLLY:She's tall. Super annoying.
HOLLAND: Apple pie.
HOLLY:She's always mean to me.
MARCH:This conversation is over.
HEALY: We're just talking.
MARCH:And it's over.
points to the Benjamins atop the magazine
JACKSON: $400, that's all. $400, two days.
MARCH:We find her earlier, I still get to keep it.
HEALY:Done.
MARCH:Deal. Great. 'Cause I already know where she is.
Cut to: Department of Justice building
HEALY: Adult film star Misty Mountains, shown here at last month's Detroit auto show. High-profile case for you, right? Made the newspapers.
MARCH: You know, the thing about keeping your mouth closed is it prevents you from speaking.
HEALY:Sure. Unless, of course, you're a ventriloquist.
MARCH: Fuck those guys. You can always see their mouths moving.
HEALY:You can what?
MARCH: Ventriloquism, it doesn't work.
HEALY:(CHUCKLES) Sometimes.
MARCH: Never. [points forward]Look at these idiots.
(a group of protesters lying on the staircase)
MAN: Join us.
MARCH: All right. Well... Goodbye.
HEALY:Hey, hey, hey, hey. Hold on. What do you mean, goodbye?
MARCH: This is Amelia's protest group. She's in there somewhere, so have at it.
HEALY:Wait. How do you know she's in there?
MARCH: 'Cause it's her protest group. She started it. That's the hot tip I got yesterday before you broke my arm.
HEALY:Yeah, but she's holed up somewhere hiding. What makes you think she's gonna be here?
MARCH: That's her protest group.
HEALY:Stop saying that.
MARCH: I'd like to stop saying...
HEALY:You said that. I hear it. It's her protest group. I don't hear you hearing it.
MARCH: Hey, Amelia? Amelia?
HEALY:Amelia? She's not here.
MARCH: She's here. Amelia.
WOMAN: We can't talk to you.
MARCH: Who said that?
(it's one of the people lying down, a woman in a gas mask)
WOMAN: We can't talk to you. We're dead.
MARCH: No, I... Yeah, I get it, you know. Like it's very clever. I'm hip. But this is actually a really serious matter.
WOMAN: So is this. We've all been killed.
MARCH: No, you haven't.
MAN:Fuck you, man. We're dead.
BYSTANDER:They can't talk to you, man. They're dead.
HEALY: What's the protest about? Do you know?
BYSTANDER: Any of you know why you're protesting?
MAN: The air.
BYSTANDER: Air.
MARCH: You're protesting the air?
MAN: The pollution. The birds can't breathe.
HEALY:So all of you died because of the pollution?
MNA: Right.
HEALY:What about the gas masks? They didn't save you?
MARCH: This is fucking... All right.
(SCREAMS)
WOMAN 2: Fucker.
MARCH: Sorry. I thought you were dead. Look, Amelia, we know you're here, so this is very...
WOMAN 3: Hey, dickhead. She's not here.
WOMAN:She's not here because of her boyfriend.
WOMAN 4: Her boyfriend died, like really died, like three days ago.
MARCH: Her boyfriend died?
WOMAN 4: Yeah.
MARCH: So where is she?
WOMAN 4: Sorry, can't help you. We're dead.
MARCH: God damn it. All right, which one of you cock and balls wants to make 20 bucks, huh?
one of the "corpses" raises his hand
CUt to STREET
UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING; the protestor, Chet (Jack Kilmer) is on the back seat guiding March and Healy
MARCH: Up here, Chet?
CHET: Yeah, make a left here. It's here. Just... Just pull over.
It's right here. On the left. Right... Look. Left. Right here.
The skeleton of a burnt down house
CHET: This is Dean's house. Amelia's boyfriend, Dean.
MARCH: You gotta be fucking kidding me.
CHET: I know, it's crazy.
MARCH: What the fuck is this, Chet?
CHET: This place looks so much bigger now.
MARCH: Do you even really know Amelia, Chet?
CHET: Uh, yeah, well, like kind of like mainly through Dean. Dean was a film-maker. Um... Kind of like experimental kinds of films. Um... That's actually like kind of how we met, 'cause I'm kind of in the business myself.
HEALY: Huh? What do you do?
CHET:(SNIFFS) Projectionalist. Yeah, anyway, um, Dean had this whole room like filled with film stock. One day it just went up, you know... (EXHALES) And, uh, yeah, it cost the guy his life and his life's work. So, kind of, I don't know, kind of makes you think, right?
MARCH:Not really, Chet.
A kid on a bike passes by
MARCH:Hey, kid. Kid.
KID: (SIGHS) What?
MARCH:You know the guy who lived here?
KID: Maybe. What's it to you?
CHET: Hey, he'll give you $20 if you answer.
MARCH:I didn't say that.
KID: 20 bucks, man, or you can blow.
MARCH:Wow.
KID: Thank you. Yeah, I knew the dude. Film-maker dude. Saw him making a film last month.
MARCH: Experimental films, right?
KID: I guess. More like a nudie film.
MARCH:Did you see a girl about 5'8", dark hair, named Amelia?
KID: Nope. Saw that famous chick.
HEALY: What famous chick?
KID: Dead one. Porn star. Misty something.
MARCH:You saw Misty Mountains here?
KID: Yeah. Talked to the producer. (MUTTERS) No, his name was Sid... Sid Hatrack. Yeah.
MARCH:Nobody's name is Hatrack.
KID: Whatever. Tried to get a job. I offered to show my dick 'cause I got a big dick.
MARCH:Oh, right.
KID: Yeah.
(CHET CHUCKLES)
HEALY: Well, that's very nice.
KID: Yeah.
HEALY: You sure you didn't see another girl?
KID: (SIGHS) Nope. You guys wanna see my dick?
MARCH:Nobody wants to see your dick, dude.
KID: 20 bucks?
MARCH:We already paid you 20...What am I saying?
KID: Oh, all right. (starts to ride his bike away) Fags!
MARCH: Hey, kid.
The kid stops
KID: What?
MARCH: What was the name of that film?
KID: (SIGHS) I don't know. Uh... 'How Do You Like My Car, Big Boy?' There it is.
Cut to MARCH'S CAR (INT), NIGHT
MARCH:"Do you wanna see my dick?" Unbelievable. This is what I'm talking about.It's over.The days of ladies and gentlemen are over. This is what Holly's looking down the barrel of. This is what she's dealing with, the fucking Chets and that idiot.
HEALY: Well, one thing we know for sure, something funny's going on.
MARCH:No, it's not. No. A guy burned up. It happens.
HEALY: It happened three days ago, the exact same day Amelia fell off my radar.
MARCH:(SCOFFING) Your radar? (LAUGHING) Let me tell you what two days of detective work looks like, okay? You drive around like an asshole. You're gonna spend half the time interviewing the fucking Chets of the world. You spend the other half trying to translate fuckwit to English. And when it's over, the only thing that's changed is that the sun went down twice.
HEALY:And nothing ever works out, is that what you're trying to say?
MARCH:Never.
HEALY:But you get paid.
MARCH:Sometimes. Hey. Son of a bitch. Hatrack.
HEALY:What?
MARCH:Hatrack. Look at that.
CAR HONKING; they park on the side of the road, March points out a billboard for a "Pinocchio" porno crediting producer Sid Shattuck
HEALY: What?
MARCH:Sid Shattuck.
HEALY:Who's that?
HOLLAND: Savage Sid, the porn king.
HEALY:Well, he didn't burn up, so let's go talk to him.
Cut to MARCH'S KITCHEN
March is on the phone, Holly nearby taking notes.
MARCH:I said I'd like to speak to Sid personally. I'm asking after a friend of ours, Amelia. I'm an old friend.
Holly sees Healy outdoors
HOLLY: Why don't we invite him in?
MARCH: No animals in the house, sweetheart. [to phone] Yeah, I'm here. Say that again. Okay. Thank you very much.
HOLLY: Is that the number you got for Sid Shattuck?
MARCH: Yeah. Can you hang this up? They're getting ready for a party and I asked about Amelia and they said she'd be right back.
HOLLY: Back? Like she's been staying there?
MARCH:Yeah.
HOLLY: So you found her?
MARCH:Maybe. Can you stay at one of your friends'?
HOLLY: I can stay with Jessica, but...You're going to a party?
MARCH:No. I'm going to a big party. Jacket. Sweetheart, it's a job. I gotta take it. If I don't, we won't get to live in such a nice house.
HOLLY: I hate this house. We're not even supposed to be here.
MARCH:Go to Janet's.
HOLLY: Jessica's.
MARCH:Which one's she?
HOLLY: The one with the brown hair.
MARCH:Glass eye?
HOLLY: The one that you like.
MARCH:And like the Hitler-stache?
Cut to OUTSIDE THE HOUSE
Healy is approaching the house as Holly is leaving
HOLLY: (SIGHS) I'm friends with a cop, you know.
HEALY: Is that so?
HOLLY: He likes my dad a lot, too.
HEALY:Maybe they should get married.
Holly HUFFS before leaving
Cut to MARCH'S CAR
March and Healy driving away
HEALY: So, you know the old lady, right? Did you believe her?
MARCH: What about?
HEALY:When she said she saw Misty alive that night, did you believe her?
MARCH: God, no. She's blind as a bat.
JHEALY: Uh-huh.
MARCH: She has actual coke bottles for glasses. You paint a moustache on a Volkswagen, she says, "Boy, that Omar Sharif sure runs fast."
Cut to SID SHATTUCK'S HOUSE (EXT)
UPBEAT DISCO MUSIC PLAYING as March and Healy approach Savage Sid's home. PEOPLE CHEERING IN THE DISTANCE, a horse dressed as an unicorn, many weird people;
MARCH: Jesus tap-dancing Christ!
GIRL 1: All I told him was that if you want me to do that, then don't eat the asparagus.
GIRL 2: Why?
KNOCKING IS HEARD ON THE TRUNK. They open it, Holly is inside.
HOLLY: I know what you're gonna say, but since I'm already here, you might as well take me in with you, right?
March closes the trunk. KNOCKING CONTINUES as he extends the key to the valet
VALET:Um, I can't take your car like that.
March is now pulling Holly towards a taxi
HOLLY: Stop it.
MARCH: What?
HOLLY: Stop it. Stop it. Dad. Dad, there's like whores here and stuff.
MARCH: Sweetheart, how many times have I told you? Don't say "and stuff." Just say, "Dad, there are whores here."
HOLLY: Well, there's like a ton. Wait. No. I can help you. Seriously? I came all this way.
MARCH: I love you.
Holly does a "I'm looking at you gesture as the taxi drives away.
Earth Wind & Fire play as March and Healy enter the house and check all the sleaze in the party, including the "Pornocchio" from the ad...
"PINOCCHIO": It's not my nose that grows.
...and a TREE MAN
HEALY:Whoa. Well, we know Mary Jane turned up.
MARCH:Who's that?
HEALY:Mary Jane. Marijuana. Pot. Place reeks of it. They're smoking it.
MARCH:Oh, yeah. I can't smell.
HEALY:What?
MARCH:I got hit in the head a while back. I lost my sense of smell.
HEALY:You can't smell?
MARCH:Yeah.
HEALY:Wow. You're a detective who can't smell?
MARCH:Yeah.
HEALY: Oh, this just keeps getting better and better.
MARCH:Wow, that's really insensitive.
HEALY:(CLEARS THROAT) Look, if Amelia doesn't show,
we still got Shattuck, right?
MARCH:But if things get rough, I'm injured. So you're gonna have to handle it.
HEALY: Right.
MARCH:Well, you know, blind his son, or, you know, whatever it is. You work your magic. Where you going?
HEALY: I think this is gonna work better,faster, if we split up. Okay?
MARCH:What?
HEALY: You see a guy with a blue face, you come and find me.
Healy walks away, a woman with cigarettes in her hair approaches March.
WOMAN: You wanna smoke?
March gets a cigarette. Meanwhile, Healy is approached by a waitress
WAITRESS: Drink?
HEALY: No, I... (STUTTERS)
Healy is still given a drink, while we see March grabbing one for himself. Healy sniffs, puts the glass on a stand... that turns out to be a woman bending over. He picks it back again.
HEALY: Hey, uh... Sorry.
As March continues drinking, a SLOW ROCK SONG is PLAYING and he tries talking to the bartender
MARCH: It's the killer bees. That's what you gotta worry about.
BARTENDER: You know why they call them killer bees, don't you? 'Cause they'll kill you.
MARCH: Good point.
March gestures to a dancing stripper, she goes down to talk to him
MARCH: Excuse me.
STRIPPER: Hello, handsome.
MARCH: You, uh, seem to have a very good vantage point up there. I lost my sister.
STRIPPES: Yeah.
MARCH: She's got dark hair, your height. She's wearing clothes, but...
MAN: Come on, baby, keep dancing!
MARCH: Answers to Amelia.
BARTENDER: Hey. You want another drink? Just leave the girl alone.
March chugs the drink he's been given as the dancer goes back to her duty.
Somewhere else, Healy goes into a room with costumes. One is a pinstriped suit with a tag "HOW DO YOU LIKE MY CAR, BIG BOY? - MISTY, SCENE 1"
Elsewhere March approaches a female bartender.
MARCH: Hi, everyone.
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