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OPENING CREDITS
CUT TO: INT. ELLE’S ROOM
"Perfect Day" by Hoku plays as the credits play over shots of Elle getting ready for her day while a woman rides a bike through the CULA campus to the Delta Nu sorority. The woman arrives at Delta Nu and hands a letter addressed to Elle to one of Elle’s sorority sisters. The camera follows the sister through the sorority as we are treated to shots of Elle’s things. Other sisters sign the card for
ELLE: I love that restaurant! I heard Madonna went into labor there. Oh, gosh! I have to go shopping! I'll see you tonight. Bye.
Elle hangs up her phone.
ELLE: Bruiser, what's this?
She takes the letter out and reads it.
ELLE: "Good luck tonight. Elle and Warner forever." Oh, that's so cute.
She blows a kiss to a framed photo of Warner.
CUT TO: EXT. COMMON AREA
Elle approaches Serena and Margot.
ELLE: Oh, my gosh! You guys are so sweet! But I'm not positive it'll happen tonight.
SERENA: Hello! He just had lunch with his grandmother. You know he got the rock.
MARGOT: Why else would she have flown in from Newport? It's not like she'd Fed Ex a six-carat diamond.
ELLE: Do you really think?
SERENA: I can't believe you're getting engaged!
ELLE: Oh, my gosh… you guys have to help me pick out the perfect outfit.
CUT TO: INT. BOUTIQUE
Bruiser watches from Elle’s purse as Serena and Margot help Elle pick out a dress.
MARGOT: Come on! I think you should go with the red. It's the color of confidence.
SERENA: I don't understand why you're disregarding your signature color.
ELLE: He's proposing. I can't look like I would on any other date. This is the date. The night I'll always remember. I want to look special. Bridal. But not like I expect anything.
One of the store employees watches them and turns to one of her coworkers.
EMPLOYEE: There's nothing I love more than a dumb blonde with daddy's plastic.
She rips the tag off of a red dress and brings it over to Elle.
EMPLOYEE: Did you see this one? We just got it in yesterday.
ELLE: Is this low-viscosity rayon?
EMPLOYEE: Yes. Of course.
ELLE: With a half-loop top-stitching on the hem?
EMPLOYEE: Absolutely. It's one of a kind.
Elle hands the dress back.
ELLE: It's impossible to use a half-loop top-stitching on low-viscosity rayon. It would snag the fabric. And you didn't just get it in. I saw it in the June Vogue a year ago. So if you're trying to sell it to me for full price you picked the wrong girl.
The employee’s face falls.
MARGOT: Ow.
The employee walks away. Elle’s sisters join her in front of the mirror.
ELLE: Girls, this is it. In a few hours I'll be the future Mrs. Warner Huntington III.
They all get excited.
CUT TO: EXT. DELTA NU
Warner knocks on the door of the sorority. One of the sisters answers and lets him in.
WARNER: Hello.
He walks further in. Elle comes down the stairs in a red dress, accompanied by Bruiser.
WARNER: Wow. You look so beautiful.
ELLE: So do you.
The camera pans to show many of the sorority sisters watching the couple from a few feet away. Elle and Warner kiss.
WARNER: Let's get out of here.
Warner walks away as Elle and her sisters watch. They help her with some last minute preparations and ogle as she leaves.
CUT TO: INT. RESTAURANT
Elle and Warner sit at a table in a restaurant. A waiter opens a bottle of wine for them and pours it.
ELLE: Must be strange having such perfect eyes.
WARNER: God, you're so wonderful. Elle, thank you.
ELLE: Here's to us.
WARNER: To us.
They clink their wine glasses together.
WARNER: Elle…
ELLE: Yes?
WARNER: One of the reasons I wanted to come here tonight was to discuss our future.
ELLE: And I am fully amenable to that discussion.
WARNER: Good. Well, you know how we've been having all kinds of fun lately?
ELLE: Yeah.
WARNER: Well, Harvard is gonna be different. Law school is a completely different world and I need to be serious.
ELLE: Of course.
WARNER: I mean, my family expects a lot from me.
ELLE: Right.
WARNER: I expect a lot from me. I plan on running for office someday.
ELLE: And I fully support that, Warner. You know that.
WARNER: Absolutely. But the thing is if I'm going to be a senator by the time I'm thirty I need to stop dicking around.
ELLE: Warner, I completely agree.
WARNER: Well, that's why I think it's time for us. Elle, pooh bear...
They speak over each other.
ELLE: I do.
WARNER: I think we should break up.
There’s a pause as Elle registers what Warner has said.
ELLE: What?
WARNER: Well, I've been thinking about it, and it's the right thing to do.
ELLE: You're breaking up with me? I thought you were proposing.
WARNER: Proposing? Elle, if I'm going to be a senator, well, I need to marry a Jackie, not a Marilyn.
ELLE: You're breaking up with me because I'm too blonde?
WARNER: No. That's not entirely true.
ELLE: Then what? My boobs are too big?
People at other tables begin glancing over at Elle and Warner.
WARNER: Elle, your boobs are fine.
ELLE: So when you said that you would always love me you were just dicking around?
As he talks, Elle begins crying.
WARNER: Elle, I do love you. I just can't marry you. You have no idea of the pressure that I am under. My family has five generations of senators. My brother's in the top three at Yale Law. And he just got engaged to a Vanderbilt, for Christ's sake.
Elle’s distressed crying gets louder. Warner makes eye contact with one of the couples watching.
WARNER: Bad salad. Sweetie… Pooh bear?
Elle looks at him in disgust and then gets up and leaves.
WARNER: It's not like I have a choice here, sweetheart! Okay… you get the car, I'll get the check.
CUT TO: EXT. STREET
Elle is walking back to campus alone. Her crying has ruined her makeup. Warner pulls up in his car.
WARNER: Let me take you home.
ELLE: No!
WARNER: Elle, believe me. I never expected to do this… but I think it's the right thing.
ELLE: How can it be the right thing when we're not together?
WARNER: Well, I have to think of my future, and what my family expects of me.
ELLE: So you're breaking up with me… because you're afraid your family won't like me? Everybody likes me.
WARNER: Well, East coast people are different.
ELLE: Because I'm not a Vanderbilt, suddenly I'm white trash? I grew up in Bel Air! Across the street from Aaron Spelling! Most people would agree that's a lot better than some stinky old Vanderbilt!
WARNER: I told you. I need someone serious.
ELLE: But I'm seriously in love with you. Isn't that enough?
WARNER: Pooh bear, just get in the car.
ELLE: No.
WARNER: You’re gonna ruin your shoes.
ELLE: ...Okay.
Elle gets in the car. Cut to them arriving at Delta Nu. Elle gets out of the car and walks away. She turns to say something, but Warner has already started driving away. Cut to the next morning. A sorority sister, Amy, walks through the sorority house and knocks on Elle’s door.
AMY: Elle, it's Amy. I'm having trouble with this whole lip-liner thing.
Another sister approaches Amy.
SISTER: Sweetie, didn't you hear?
AMY: Hear what?
SISTER: It's terrible. He dumped her.
The sister leads Amy away. Cut inside Elle’s room. She’s eating chocolate and watching an episode of General Hospital. Serena and Margot enter as she watches.
WOMAN: Why me?
MAN: Because you're not gonna remember anything after tonight.
WOMAN: Oh, you're wrong. I will remember, no matter what. And I'm never gonna lose you again.
MAN: You couldn't. You're a part of me. I love you.
ELLE: Liar!
Elle throws her chocolate at the TV.
MARGOT: Honey, you have to leave this room. It's been, like, a week.
ELLE: So?
MARGOT: Drink this.
Margot hands her a drink.
SERENA: What’s the one thing that always makes us feel better no matter what?
CUT TO: INT. SALON
Serena and Margot are getting manicures. Serena talks to the manicurist.
SERENA: She had eight grilled cheese sandwiches. She stuffed them in her mouth all at once. It was so sad. We all thought she'd be the first to walk down the aisle and now she's totally adrift.
MARGOT: Totally.
SERENA: She hasn't conditioned her hair in a week.
Elle sits on a nearby couch next to another woman. Elle picks up a magazine and begins reading.
MARGOT: Maybe she's going for the grunge look. And her nails are full-on chipped. So trailer park.
SERENA: (In another language) She’ll never get him back with those cuticles.
MANICURIST: (In another language) No shit.
Elle turns a page in the magazine she’s reading. Her eyes go wide.
ELLE: Oh, my God! Do you know who this is?
She turns to the woman next to her.
WOMAN: No.
ELLE: That's Warner's older brother!
WOMAN: Who?
ELLE: "Third year Yale Law student Putnam Bowes Huntington III and his fiancee Layne Walker Vanderbilt, first year Yale Law." This is the type of girl that Warner wants to marry! This is what I need to become to be serious!
WOMAN: What, practically deformed?
ELLE: No. A law student.
Elle leaves the salon.
MARGOT: Elle?
CUT TO: EXT. POOL
Elle’s father stands over her as she sits in their pool.
ELLE’S FATHER: Law school?
ELLE: It's a perfectly respectable place, daddy.
Cut to a wider shot, revealing Elle’s mother in a chair nearby and a worker raking leaves further away.
ELLE’S MOTHER: Honey, you were first runner up at the Miss Hawaiian Tropics contest. Why are you gonna throw that all away?
ELLE: Going to Harvard is the only way I'm gonna get the love of my life back.
ELLE’S FATHER: Oh, sweetheart, you don't need law school. Law school is for people who are boring and ugly and serious. And you, button, are none of those things.
Elle sighs.
CUT TO: INT. OFFICE
Elle sits across a desk from an academic advisor. The advisor is looking at a folder of documents.
ADVISOR: Harvard Law School?
ELLE: That's right.
ADVISOR: But that's a top three school.
ELLE: Oh, I have a 4.0.
ADVISOR: Yes, but your major is fashion merchandising. Harvard won't be impressed that you aced History of Polka Dots.
The advisor sets the folder aside.
ADVISOR: What are your back-ups?
ELLE: I don't need back-ups. I'm going to Harvard.
ADVISOR: Well, then, you'll need excellent recommendations from your professors.
ELLE: Okay.
ADVISOR: And a heck of an admissions essay.
ELLE: Right.
ADVISOR: And at least a 175 on your LSATs.
ELLE: I once had to judge a tighty-whitey contest for Lambda Kappa Pi. Trust me, I can handle anything.
Elle smiles and leaves.
ELLE: Thanks!
ADVISOR: You're welcome.
CUT TO: INT. DELTA NU
Serena and Margot pass by Elle’s room.
MARGOT: Because I have a metrabolism... I have a really high metrab-
SERENA: Metabolism. Metabo-
They stop and enter Elle’s room when they see her surrounded by books and reading.
MARGOT: Oh, my God. What are you doing?
ELLE: Reading about the LSATs.
SERENA: My cousin had that. Apparently, you get a really bad rash on your-
She gestures down.
MARGOT: Oh.
ELLE: The LSATs are an exam. Girls, I'm going to Harvard!
SERENA: You mean like on vay-kay?
MARGOT: Let's all go!
SERENA & MARGOT: Road trip!
They begin cheering.
ELLE: No, I'm going to Harvard Law School!
They stop.
MARGOT: Why?
Serena sits down with Elle.
SERENA: Elle, now, I know you're upset about all this, but can't you just take a Percocet?
ELLE: Okay, once Warner sees me as a serious law student, he'll totally want me back. It's a completely brilliant plan!
MARGOT: But isn't it hard to get into law school?
ELLE: I had the highest GPA in Delta Nu.
MARGOT: Oh, well. Here, you're gonna need this.
Margot hands Elle a scrunchie.
ELLE: Your scrunchie?
MARGOT: My lucky scrunchie. It helped me pass Spanish.
SERENA: You passed Spanish because you gave Professor Montoya a lap dance after the final.
MARGOT: Yeah, luckily.
CUT TO: EXT. POOL
Cut to Elle’s video essay. The shot is blocked so as to imitate a VHS recording. She sits in her pool. A caption on the bottom reads, “ELLE WOODS HARVARD VIDEO ESSAY.”
ELLE: Oh, hi. My name is Elle Woods, and for my admissions essay, I'm gonna tell all of you at Harvard why I'm gonna make an amazing lawyer.
Elle narrates over a shot of herself speaking at the head of a table of her sorority sisters.
ELLE: (Narrating) As president of my sorority I'm skilled at commanding the attention of a room and discussing very important issues.
Cut to a close up of Elle’s face as she addresses her sisters.
ELLE: It has come to my attention that the maintenance staff is switching our toilet paper from Charmin to generic. All those opposed to chafing please say "aye."
SORORITY: (In unison) Aye.
Elle brings down a gavel. Cut away from her video essay to Amy helping Elle study in a library.
AMY: A: Neither type of opera or neither type of rap is on sale. B: Neither type of jazz and neither type of opera is on sale. C: Neither type of opera and neither type of soul…
Elle is distracted by fraternity brothers outside, shirtless and carrying a keg and snacks.
BROTHER: Party! Delta Nu, we love you!
Amy taps her pencil on the table, getting Elle’s attention.
AMY. Mm-mm.
ELLE: Okay.
Cut back to the video essay style of shot. Elle lazes on a floatie in her pool.
ELLE: I'm able to recall hundreds of important details at the drop of a hat.
Margot enters the shot on another pool floatie.
MARGOT: Hey, Elle, do you know what happened on Days of Our Lives yesterday?
ELLE: Why, yes, Margot, I do. Once again, we join Hope in the search for her identity. As you know, she's been brainwashed by the evil Stefano.
Cut to the Delta Nu house. Amy and some other sisters are exercising while Elle sits at a table nearby with Bruiser. Amy holds up a stopwatch.
AMY: Get set and go!
Amy starts a timer. Elle begins writing. Cut to some time later. Margot writes 143 on Elle’s practice LSAT.
MARGOT: One forty-three.
Elle sighs. Cut back to her video essay. She walks down a busy sidewalk on campus.
ELLE: I feel comfortable using legal jargon in everyday life.
Someone whistles at Elle from out of shot.
ELLE: I object!
Cut to Elle taking the LSAT in a crowded room. She looks worried. Cut back to Delta Nu. Amy runs through the sorority house, followed by all of Elle’s sisters, holding the results of Elle’s LSAT.
AMY: Elle, it's here!
Elle is walking down the stairs with Margot.
ELLE: What?
AMY: It's here!
Amy hands Elle the envelope with her score.
MARGOT: The LSAT score! It’s here!
All of her sisters gather around excitedly as she opens it.
ELLE: One seventy-nine!
All of Elle’s sisters yell out in celebration. Margot and Serena hug her and lift her up as some other sisters use spray cans and confetti.
CUT TO: INT. HARVARD
Cut back to Elle’s video essay, which is now revealed to be playing on a TV in front of a Harvard admissions board.
ELLE: And that's why you should vote for me, Elle Woods, future lawyer for the class of 2004.
One of the admissions men stops the video. All six men continue staring for a few moments before one refocuses.
ADMISSION MAN 1: She does have a 4.0 from CULA, and she got a 179 on her LSATs.
ADMISSION MAN 2: A fashion major?
ADMISSION MAN 3: Well, sir, we've never had one before, and aren't we always looking for diversity?
ADMISSION MAN 4: Her list of extracurricular activities is impressive.
ADMISSION MAN 2: She was in a Ricky Martin video.
ADMISSION MAN 1: Clearly she's interested in music.
ADMISSION MAN 2: She also designed a line of faux fur panties for her sorority's charity project.
ADMISSION MAN 3: Uh huh. She's a friend to the animals as well as a philanthropist.
ADMISSION MAN 2: Elle Woods… Welcome to Harvard.
The camera zooms in on the paused TV with Elle’s smiling face. Fade to some establishing shots of Elle driving to Harvard and of the Harvard campus itself.
CUT TO: EXT. STREET
Elle sits in her convertible. Bruiser is in the passenger seat.
ELLE: Oh Bruiser, it's so exciting! Look! Harvard! Are you excited?
Bruiser barks. Cut to some moving men unloading some of Elle’s things outside Wyeth House.
ELLE: This is our new house for the next three years.
Other students approach apprehensively.
ELLE: Oh, are you thirsty? Let's get you some water. Sweetheart, you just look parched.
Elle sets Bruiser down. All around other students begin watching Elle.
STUDENT: Hey, Brad, check out Malibu Barbie! Where's the beach, honey?
Elle sets down a bowl and begins filling it with water for Bruiser.
ELLE: Here you go. Good boy. Warner's gonna be so excited to see you.
Elle turns to the movers.
ELLE: Guys, this way.
STUDENT: This ain't L.A.!
ELLE: Come on, Bruiser.
Elle walks inside as the movers carry some of Elle’s things. Other students continue to ogle.
ELLE: It's gonna be so exciting. Now, don't be scared. Everyone will love you.
Cut to a welcome event outside. Elle approaches a table.
ELLE: Hi. Woods, comma, Elle.
The man at the table looks at her incredulously before handing her some things.
MAN: Class schedule, map, book list.
ELLE: Wait a second. My social events calendar is missing.
MAN: Your what?
ELLE: Social events? You know, mixers, formals, clambakes, trips to the Cape.
He says nothing.
ELLE: Okay, has Warner Huntington III checked in yet?
MAN: No. Maybe you should check with the cruise director on the Lido deck.
Cut to Elle sitting on the grass with some other students.
MAN: Okay, welcome to law school. This is the part where we go around in a circle and everyone says a little bit about themselves. Let's start with you.
DAVID: Uh, my name is David Kidney. I have a masters in Russian literature, a Ph.D in biochemistry, and for the last eighteen months, I've been deworming orphans in Somalia.
MAN: Awesome. What about you?
ENID: Hey. How you doin'? I'm Enid Wexler. I got a Ph.D. from Berkeley in women's studies, emphasis in the history of combat, (she lightly punches David), and last year, I single-handedly organized the march for Lesbians Against Drunk Driving.
MAN: Killer.
ENID: Thanks. Good times.
AARON: Aaron Mitchell. I graduated first in my class from Princeton. I have an I.Q. of 187, (David rolls his eyes and Enid scoffs), and it's been suggested that Stephen Hawking stole his Brief History of Time from my fourth grade paper.
MAN: Cool.
ELLE: Me?
MAN: Yeah.
ELLE: Okay. Hi. I'm Elle Woods, and this is Bruiser Woods, and we're both Gemini vegetarians. I have a bachelor's degree in fashion merchandising from CULA, and I was a Zeta Lambda Nu sweetheart, president of my sorority, Delta Nu, and last year, I was homecoming queen. Oh! Two weeks ago I saw Cameron Diaz at Fred Segal and I talked her out of buying this truly heinous angora sweater. Whoever said
The other students give her strange looks.
CUT TO: INT. ELLE’S ROOM
Elle looks at herself in her mirror in her new room. Bruiser sits on her bed nearby.
ELLE: Wish me luck, Bruiser. This is my first class as a serious law student. I totally look the part.
Cut to a hallway. Elle greets other students as she walks towards her class. Suddenly, she spots Warner. After a brief moment, she walks by him. He notices and turns to her.
WARNER: Elle?
ELLE: Warner? I totally forgot you go here!
WARNER: What are you talking about? Are you here to see me?
ELLE: No, silly. I go here.
WARNER: You go where?
ELLE: Harvard. Law school.
WARNER: You got into Harvard Law?
ELLE: What, like it's hard? Oh, my gosh, Warner, it'll be so great. I'm planning this great mixer. You totally have to help me. I'm thinking like a luau, or maybe like casino night. This is gonna be just like senior year, except funner.
He stares with his mouth open, unable to say anything.
ELLE: Oh, time to go. I have to go to class, but meet me after on the benches. All right, bye!
Elle enters her class. Cut to Professor Stromwell beginning her lecture. Elle notices all of the students around her are taking notes on computers. She takes out a heart-shaped notebook.
STROMWELL: A legal education means you will learn to speak in a new language. You will be taught to achieve insight into the world around you and to sharply question what you know. The seat you have picked will be yours for the next nine months of your life. And those of you in the front row... beware.
Elle is handed an attendance sheet. Stromwell gestures to a quote on the blackboard and reads it out loud.
STROMWELL: "The law is reason free from passion." Does anyone know who spoke those immortal words?
David’s hand shoots up.
STROMWELL: Yes?
DAVID: Aristotle.
STROMWELL: Are you sure?
DAVID: Yes?
STROMWELL: Would you be willing to stake your life on it?
DAVID: I think so.
STROMWELL: What about his life?
She raps another student on the head with her pencil.
DAVID: I don't know.
STROMWELL: Well, I recommend knowing before speaking. The law leaves much room for interpretation but very little for self-doubt. And you were right. It was Aristotle.
The woman sitting next to David whispers to him.
WOMAN: Good job.
STROMWELL: Now, I assume all of you have read pages 1-48 and are now well-versed in subject matter jurisdiction. Who can tell us about Gordon vs. Steele? Let's call on someone from the hot zone.
Elle avoids eye contact and takes notes. Stromwell approaches her.
STROMWELL: Elle Woods?
ELLE: Actually, I wasn't aware that we had an assignment.
Stromwell looks at the attention and calls on another student further back.
STROMWELL: Vivian Kensington. Do you think it's acceptable that Ms. Woods is not prepared?
VIVIAN: No. I don't.
STROMWELL: Would you support my decision to ask her to leave class and to return only when she is prepared?
VIVIAN: Absolutely.
Elle looks shocked. She gathers her things and leaves.
STROMWELL: Now, Ms. Kensington, did diversity jurisdiction exist in this case?
VIVAN: No, it did not.
STROMWELL: Good. How about in the case of Owens vs. McCullogh?
CUT TO: EXT. COURTYARD
Elle huffs past Emmett, who is sitting on a bench, and sits at another bench nearby. He notices she is upset.
EMMETT: Excuse me. Are you okay?
ELLE: Yeah. Do they put you on the spot like that like, all the time?
EMMETT: The professors? Yeah, they, they tend to do that. Socratic method.
ELLE: So if you don't know the answers, they’re just gonna kick you out?
EMMETT: So you have Stromwell, huh?
ELLE: Yes! Did she do that to you, too?
EMMETT: No. But she did make me cry once. Not in class, I waited till I got back to my room, but she'll kick you right in the ball… Or wherever, you know. But, uh, yeah. She's tough. Really tough.
ELLE: Great.
EMMETT: Don't worry, though, it gets better. Who else do you have?
ELLE: I have Callahan, Royalton, and Levinthal.
EMMETT: Yeah… Let's see, speak up in Callahan's class. He really likes people that are opinionated.
ELLE: Okay.
EMMETT: And in Royalton's class… try to get a seat in the back. He tends to spits when he talks about products liability.
Elle laughs.
EMMETT: And, uh, for Levinthal, make sure you read the footnotes, cause that's where he gets a lot of his exam questions from.
ELLE: Right. Wow. I'm really glad I met you.
They both smile.
WARNER: Hey.
Elle doesn’t hear him and continues talking to Emmett.
ELLE: Are you a third year?
EMMETT: Well-
WARNER: Hey, Elle.
ELLE: Hi! Thanks for all your help.
EMMETT: Good luck.
Emmett leaves. Elle gets up and approaches Warner.
ELLE: Hi!
WARNER: Uh… So… how was your first class?
ELLE: Oh, it was good, except for this horrible preppy girl who made me look bad in front of the professor. But no biggie. You're here now. So, how was your summer?
WARNER: Good. It was good.
ELLE: Did you do anything exciting?
Vivian arrives and puts her arm around Warner.
WARNER: Hey… Have you met Vivian?
VIVIAN: Hi. Vivian Kensington.
ELLE: Do you know her?
WARNER: She's-
VIVIAN: I'm his fiancee.
Elle notices the ring on her finger.
ELLE: I'm sorry. I just hallucinated. What?
WARNER: Yeah, she was my girlfriend in prep school. And, well, we got back together this summer at my grandmother's birthday party.
VIVIAN: Warner told me all about you. You're famous at our club. But he didn't tell me you'd be here.
WARNER: Pooh bear, I didn't know she would be here.
ELLE: Excuse me.
Elle walks away.
CUT TO: EXT. STREET
Elle is driving and listening to loud music. She abruptly spins around when she notices a salon, causing a traffic jam.
ELLE: Oh, thank God!
She walks in and goes to the front desk, where Paulette is working.
ELLE: Are you free? It's an emergency.
PAULETTE: Bad day?
ELLE: You can't even imagine.
PAULETTE: Spill.
Paulette puts down what she’s doing. Elle tears up as she explains.
ELLE: I worked so hard to get into law school. I blew off Greek week to study for the LSATs. I even hired a Coppola to direct my admissions video. All to get my boyfriend Warner back. And now he's engaged to this awful girl Vivian, so it was all for nothing, and I… I just wish… I just wish I had never gone to Harvard.
PAULETTE: After you went to all that trouble.
ELLE: He's engaged! She's got the six-carat Harry Winston on her bony, unpolished finger. What am I supposed to do?
PAULETTE: You're asking the wrong girl. I mean, I'm with my guy eight years, and then one day, it's, "I met someone else. Move out."
ELLE: Oh, no. That's awful.
PAULETTE: Dewey kept the trailer and my precious baby Rufus. I didn't even get to throw him a birthday party.
Paulette shows Elle a framed photo of her dog, Rufus.
ELLE: No!
PAULETTE: I mean, what's a girl to do? He's a guy who followed his pecker to greener pastures and I'm a middle-aged high-school dropout who's got stretch marks and a fat ass.
ELLE: That's terrible.
PAULETTE: Yep. Happens every day. So what's this Vivian got that you don't have? Three tits?
ELLE: She's from Connecticut. She belongs to his stupid country club.
PAULETTE: Is she as pretty as you?
ELLE: She could use some mascara and some serious highlights but she's not completely unfortunate looking.
A UPS delivery man enters the salon with a package.
UPS MAN: Hello, ladies.
SALON WORKER: Hey, there.
UPS MAN: How you doing? Sign here.
Paulette stares at the UPS man. He turns and smiles at her. She smiles back and spills water all over Elle.
PAULETTE: Oh, jeez. Look what I did.
UPS MAN: See you later.
He gives Paulette one last look as he leaves.
PAULETTE: Aw, shit. Could I have been any more goddamn spastic?
Elle helps Paulette clean up.
ELLE: It's OK.
PAULETTE: Are you sure this Warner guy is, like, the one?
ELLE: Definitely. I love him.
PAULETTE: Well, if a girl like you can't hold on to her man, then there sure as hell isn't any hope for the rest of us. What are you waiting for? Steal the bastard back.
They both smile at each other.
CUT TO: INT. HARVARD CLASSROOM
Professor Callahan is giving a lecture.
CALLAHAN: I should warn you that in addition to competing against each other for the top grade in this class you will also be competing for one of my firm's highly coveted four internship spots next year where you will get to assist on actual cases. Let the bloodbath begin. Now, let's commence with our usual torture. Ms. Woods, would you rather have a client who committed a crime malum in se or ma
ELLE: Neither.
CALLAHAN: And why is that?
ELLE: I would rather have a client who's innocent.
CALLAHAN: Dare to dream, Ms. Woods. Ms. Kensington, which would you prefer?
VIVIAN: Malum prohibitum. Because then the client would have committed a regulatory infraction as opposed to a dangerous crime.
CALLAHAN: Well done, Ms. Kensington. You've obviously done your homework. Now let us look at malum prohibitum a little more closely. It has been said...
He sees Elle’s raised hand.
CALLAHAN: Yes, Ms. Woods?
ELLE: I changed my mind. I'd pick the dangerous one 'cause I'm not afraid of a challenge.
She smirks at Vivian, whose smile drops.
CUT TO: EXT. FIELD
A group of students is playing football. Elle sits down with Bruiser and her notes. Warner runs with the football, but all of his teammates are distracted by Elle and stop playing.
WARNER: Guys?
ELLE: Hi!
CUT TO: INT. LIBRARY
Warner, Vivian, and some other students are studying at a table. Elle approaches with a basket of muffins.
ELLE: Hi, everybody.
WARNER: Elle, what are you doing here?
ELLE: I've come to join your study group. Look, I brought sustenance. Who's first?
Vivian shakes her head.
VIVIAN: Our group is full.
She gives Warner a look. He avoids her gaze.
ELLE: Oh, is this like an RSVP thing?
STUDENT: No. It's like a smart people thing. And as Viv said, we're full.
WARNER: Come on, guys, we can make room for one more.
Vivian kicks Warner under the table.
WARNER: Ow!
VIVIAN: We've already assigned the outlines. The answer is no.
The other students avoid looking at Elle.
ELLE: Oh, okay. I'll just leave, then.
VIVIAN: Bye.
Elle turns and walks away. As she goes, she passes by a group of women studying, including Enid.
ENID: Hey, maybe there's, like, a sorority you could, like, join instead, like?
ELLE: You know, if you had come to a rush party, I would have at least been nice to you.
ENID: Oh, is that before you voted against me and then called me a dyke behind my back?
ELLE: I don't use that word. You must have heard it from Vivian.
Vivian looks up and frowns.
CUT TO: INT. ELLE’S ROOM
Elle enters her room in a bathrobe carrying Bruiser. She picks up her phone and calls Margot. Throughout the call, shots switch back and forth between Elle in her room and Margot trying out wedding dresses with Serena.
MARGOT: Hello?
ELLE: Hey, it's me.
MARGOT: It's Elle! Guess what I'm doing right this second!
ELLE: I don't know. What?
MARGOT: I'm picking out my wedding dress!
ELLE: What?
MARGOT: Josh proposed!
Margot hands the phone to Serena.
SERENA: Did you get the rock yet?
ELLE: Um, almost.
SERENA: Well, hurry up, so you can come home! We miss you!
ELLE: I miss you guys, too. The people here are so vile. Hardly anybody speaks to me unless-
SERENA: Oh, my God! I almost forgot to tell you!
ELLE: What?
SERENA: I got bangs! My hair is so now.
ELLE: Really?
MARGOT: Okay, so just listen to me. Keep June 1st open, you're one of my bridesmaids, and give Warner our love because I'm getting married! I’m getting mar-
Margot trips and falls over. Serena hangs up. Elle puts down her phone.
CUT TO: INT. HARVARD
Vivian is standing in a hallway with the three other students.
VIVIAN: So don't forget. Eight o'clock at 45 Dunston Street. It'll be a really nice party.
STUDENT: We'll be there.
VIVIAN: Oh, and don't forget to bring your own merlot!
Elle hears this from in her room.
ELLE: No way! Is somebody at this school actually having a party?
Elle leaves her room. Her face falls when she realizes it’s Vivian and one of her friends from the study group.
FRIEND: Yes.
VIVIAN: But it's a costume party. You probably wouldn't want to come.
Vivian’s friend gives her some side-eye.
ELLE: I love costume parties.
VIVIAN: Oh. Well, then I guess we'll see you there.
ELLE: Okay.
VIVIAN: Oh, at 45 Dunston Street.
Vivian and her friend leave. Bruiser growls.
CUT TO: EXT. STREET AT NIGHT
Elle arrives at the party dressed as a Playboy Bunny. Cut to inside the party. Enid is playing foosball. The camera pans up to reveal no one else is in costume. Enid notices Elle.
ENID: Oh, my God.
Elle assesses the situation. Everyone is staring at her. She smiles and walks to Vivian and her friend. Vivian does a spit take when she sees Elle’s costume.
ELLE: Thanks for inviting me, girls. This party is super fun.
VIVIAN: Nice outfit.
ELLE: Oh, I like your outfit, too. Except when I dress up as a frigid bitch, I try not to look so constipated.
Elle walks away.
VIVIAN: Oh, she's horrible.
FRIEND: You've got the ring, sweetie.
Elle walks through the party.
STUDENT: Nice ears.
ELLE: How you doin'?
Elle happens upon Enid and Warner talking.
ENID: Warner, Warner, the English language, it is all about subliminal domination. I mean, take the word semester, okay? A perfect example of this school's discriminatory preference of semen to ovaries. That's why I'm petitioning to have next term be referred to as the winter ovester.
Elle approaches and interrupts.
ELLE: Excuse me. Hey, Warner.
WARNER: Wow! Well, don't you look like a walking felony?
Enid scoffs and leaves.
ELLE: Thank you. You're so sweet. Are you having fun?
WARNER: I am now. What's with the costume?
ELLE: Oh, I just decided to dress up.
WARNER: Really.
ELLE: You know, I feel like we barely get to see each other since we've been here.
WARNER: Oh, I know. I'm so busy with these case studies and hypos.
ELLE: I know what you mean. I can't imagine doing all this and Callahan's internship next year. That's gonna be so much.
WARNER: Elle, come on, you'll never get the grades to qualify for one of those spots. You're not smart enough, sweetie.
ELLE: Wait, am I on glue, or did we not get into the same law school?
WARNER: Yeah, but-
ELLE: But what? We took the same LSATs, and we're taking the same classes.
WARNER: I know, but come on, Elle, be serious. You can do something more valuable with your time.
ELLE: I'm never going to be good enough for you, am I?
They say nothing for a moment. Elle leaves.
WARNER: Oh, come on.
ELLE: Just forget it!
Elle walks through the party.
ELLE: I'll show you how valuable Elle Woods can be!
CUT TO: INT. STORE
Elle stands in a line of people at a store. She’s still in her costume and is holding a computer. Emmett comes into line behind her. He clears his throat. Elle turns and sees him.
ELLE: Don't ask.
EMMETT: Wasn't gonna.
CUT TO: INT. ELLE’S ROOM
Elle sits at her desk typing a paper with her new computer.
CUT TO: EXT. CAMPUS
Elle walks past Warner and Vivians study group talking outside. She’s carrying a load of books. They notice as she walks past, but she just keeps walking.
STUDENT: Was she carrying books?
CUT TO: INT. LIBRARY
Elle struggles to reach a book on a tall shelf. David happens to be there and helps her get it.
ELLE: Thanks!
CUT TO: INT. STROMWELL’S CLASSROOM
STROMWELL: So, you've filed a claim. What next?
David appears to be dozing off.
STROMWELL: Ms. Woods?
David jerks to attention when he hears Stromwell call on Elle.
ELLE: Don't you need to have evidence?
Vivian and her friend share snide glances.
STROMWELL: Meaning?
ELLE: Meaning you need reasonable belief that your claim should have, like, evidentiary support?
Stromwell looks surprised.
STROMWELL: And what kind of evidentiary support does this case require?
CUT TO: INT. ELLE’S ROOM
Bruiser is watching a video of chihuahuas on Elle’s TV. Elle is studying on an elliptical. She changes the channel to the news.
CUT TO: INT. SALON
Elle studies while she’s getting a perm with Paulette and Bruiser.
CUT TO: INT. CALLAHAN’S CLASSROOM
Callahan is giving a lecture.
CALLAHAN: And the purpose of diminished capacity is?
Elle raises her hand higher than Vivian and Warner. Callahan calls on her.
ELLE: To negate mens rea?
Callahan nods. Vivian and Warner look annoyed.
CUT TO: EXT. JUNKYARD
Elle drives into a junkyard with Bruiser and Paulette.
ELLE: Are you ready?
PAULETTE: No.
ELLE: Yes, you are! Go. You can do this.
Paulette approaches her ex’s trailer while practicing what she’s going to say.
PAULETTE: Listen to me, Dewey. You shut your mouth. No, you shut your big mouth. I'm doing all the talking.
Paulette knocks on the door. Her ex, Dewey, answers.
DEWEY: What the hell do you want? We're eating lunch.
PAULETTE: I just thought that...
DEWEY: You just thought-
PAULETTE: Maybe we could…
He walks towards her.
DEWEY: -you could come here and show me what I'm definitely not missing?
Dewey chuckles. Elle peeks her head out from a corner and watches the exchange.
PAULETTE: That's not why I came by.
DEWEY: Hey, Paulette, how many times are you gonna come over here begging me to take you back, huh?
Elle puts on her glasses.
PAULETTE: I was… Um… I…
ELLE: Dewey Newcombe?
DEWEY: Who's asking?
ELLE: I'm Elle Woods. Miss Bonifante's attorney. And I’m here to discuss the legal situation at hand.
DEWEY: Come again?
ELLE: Do you understand what subject matter jurisdiction is?
DEWEY: No.
ELLE: Yeah, I didn’t think so. Well, due to habeas corpus, you and Miss Bonifante had a common law marriage. Which heretofore, entitles her to what is legally referred to as equitable division of the assets.
DEWEY: Come again?
ELLE: Due to the fact that you've retained this residence Miss Bonifante is entitled to full canine property ownership and will be enforcing said ownership right now.
DEWEY: Huh?
ELLE: Tell him, Paulette.
Dewey chuckles. Paulette steels herself.
PAULETTE: I'm taking the dog, dumbass!
Cut back to the car. Paulette, Elle, and the newly emancipated Rufus all get in.
ELLE: That's awesome! We did it! Oh, my gosh, did you see him? He's probably still scratching his head.
PAULETTE: Yeah, which must be a nice vacation for his balls.
They both laugh and pet their respective dogs.
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