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Round 1: Soul Khan
See back then, the goal was musical buzz
"What? You're saying you're above battle rap?"
No, you dumb motherfuckers, I never said that
I just had to pursue what I love
If that's something you view as a snub, that's a you problem
These rounds, Diz you really got a Jew problem
Megaton better come with a new nuke on 'em
Throat sores, so I'm goin' Michael Jordan with the flu on 'em
Am I better than this? No
But I'm better than you
Not as a battler, listen, I'ma say this
Not necessarily not as a battler, but as a person, that's what the evidence proves
When I present it to you
You might pretend it's a ruse
And I intend to confuse
You know what they say about those treacherous Jews
I have a question for you
Saw you vs Iron
Shit's brilliant
But now that this Jew got next, tell me
How many Jew jokes have you got left?
Hold on, let me guess; six million?
But let me get back, to reflectin' and building on all that it happened
Since I left the field like I was Dr. Manhattan
I was living off of my rapping
'till I tied the knot, then I got into a tighter spot
Then I had to find a job
But
Wait, sorry fuck
So Diz', a job is a place where you go to make money
Like an office or store
You ever seen The Office before?
It's like that, but less funny
And then you get a check
You can spend it on your food and ya rent
Fuck, I'm doing it again
So Diz', rent...
I'll take it slow
See rent is this thing where you know find a place, and you pay money to stay monthly
See, I ain't know if you're aware of it, because you ain't left your parents till your fuckin' late 20s
So according to you, right, on Twitter you called me a "manchild"
The audacity!
That you, mister level headed adult
YOU called me a "manchild" that is damn wild
You were living with your mom and dad while
I was in my own crib, diggin' up dirt on QP for that damn file
Back to that Iron battle, you know I gotta say
The angle about Jews not going to work on 9/11, kinda clever
Except you didn't go to work on 9-- ever
See down the line I went through shit
My crew split
As too did my creative drive, my will to stay alive took a huge dip
And my momma got too sick
Down to a toothpick
And I stopped makin' music
See the sad thing is Diz, you said I tried and I flopped
Nah, it was going fine, then I stopped
It was painful, truly
See, I know it sounds sad, but Soul is still a Joker though
I ain't talking about the Gotham kind
Talking like Persona 5
That is what I was personified
Cause I lost track of all the kind of monsters I had caught inside
Especially the one whisperin' to me that I oughta die
So bottom line, there is nothing you can say to me
That is more evil than the shit I used to tell myself all the time
I got out that coma I been frozen lately
I gotta thanks all the homies that could motivate me
Even though the road was shaky
Like the way Dizaster's parents thought it was okay to hold a baby
So now y'all here to see my return to the format
You here to be my personal doormat
Hold up
Before we go all that
Do battle rappers still say dumb shit like "you catch a shell, then you sleep like Squirtle and Snorlax"?
No, good
Well ignore that, fantastic
You know, I respect you Diz, because you're willing to give someone the shirt off your back
Even when they didn't need it, or were asking you for that
He takes his shirt off all the time
And I know you like to make fun of the way I make apologies
Lot of liberals are faker than astrology
I'm not a liberal, I'm a leftist, and the difference is tremendous
And there's one thing I have to say, it's gotta be legit
I am sorry, for every bomb that Israel has ever launched at Lebanon
They always got a reason and each of them is fucking extra wrong
The IDF level houses, you know, bring fiery death on thousands
Maybe someone you knew
Nah I ain't pushing no button, but, Israeli government always said they do it in the name of the Jews
This ain't a angle or a gimmick, fuck the haters and the cynics
But I refuse to accept that any Jew is protected by doing something so fuckin' hateful to you
On top of all that
And all the while, the West Bank has gotten terrorized
Every day in Gaza's genocide
And America could end it by threatening to ends its ties
But they just always defend it
And the Palestinians get left to die
At this point, Diz probably thinkin'
This ain't therapy
Diz, that ain't fair to me
Because I gotta grapple in my disgrace
And my old battles are like your face, they've aged terribly
And to everybody, to all you who suggested; "No SJW stuff"
I've reviewed your request, and, shut the fuck up!
I know they hate it when I do this, but sorry, I'm accountable
So, I am sorry if I have hurt anyone who was marginalized with the words that I'd use
Especially cause it doesn't reflect my personal views
I fucked up so much
And that's being accountable
Being a fuckin' shithead is not a fuckin' alpha move
And it's like fuckin', and I'm not talkin' about like some light politeness like not talking when ya mouth is full
[Dizaster] I'm the only one reacting
Soul Khan
And that's why it's the best line
See what you refer to as political correctness is just giving some respect for a minute or a second, it's forethought
And if you dismiss and reject it
Cause you think it's makes you different or you're edgy
You're not
So, what to do?
Diz, what are your preferred gender pronouns?
Usually say like he, him, his, whatever
So mine are he, him, his
Look at how easy that it is
It only takes fuckin' two seconds
But all these anti PC motherfuckers will complain for hours about it
And how PC it is
So let me make the math
There are more than two genders, your eyebrows look like two sweaters
Disgustingly huge pairs, fuck tweezers, use Nair
I bet the effort it takes to groom is tremendous
If you have one square up there, you'd win at Tetris
I mean this in the kindest way
So what happened?
Everything that happened after Math, I have to ask
Should I be scared of you?
Or do you only attack me if I dare you to?
Diz, Diz, c'mon man, are you, wait a second
Am I getting this right
Will you do anything to anybody dares you to?
Are you sure?
Challenge accepted
Too bad
Consent negative, my bad
Alright so, JK, you can't be that, don't do that, always say that
Anyway so, challenge accepted
Diz...I dare you to kiss me
I mean my man
I ain't pausin' shit, I ain't pausin' shit
In 2019, we past pausin'
Hold up, hold up
Can anyone else do this shit
It ain't scary or risky
Go back to the hotel, share some whisky
My girl's okay with it
C'mon tough guy, you gon' kiss me or not?
C'mon! No!
You gon' kiss me
Hold on, this the important part
C'mon tough guy, you gon' kiss me or not?
Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Iz, King of the Dot!
Dizaster
This was his plan to defuse all my shit. Is it my turn?
Soul Khan
So, no, no man. This is a long round. I'm doing a long round for you! It's for you!
I dare you
I dare to not rap forever and render this unwatchable
I dare you to fight our friend Math and not end up in the hospital
I can't fly all the way to see it
In any case, I dare you to make a song that isn't absolute garbage
So you could be an actual artist
Instead of pretending to be the rapper you aren't
But...also sir, I gotta say, those braids
They are ridiculous dude
If you hate the culture vultures, you officially lose
You look like a white girl gettin' her groove on a Caribbean cruise
But
Hold on
Diz, is this some sort of style of hair of Arabs I'm unaware of?
I mean this shit is you? No, this shit is new
I remember the old days, when your hair used to be
You would see
In a park full of skaters
So many spikes it was like your barber was playing a game of Mario Maker
If you wanna use Sega
Your coif is a mess dawg
Out there looking like Islamic the Hedgehog
Wait a second though, I'm sensitive to this shit
Is that offensive to y'all, or the, you watching at home
Cause I felt it was like borderline
Sorta like when Madness called me Jew-Pac Shalom
Which is funny-
Diz, my friend is
Is it offensive to you Diz?
Might be a reason to pretend that it is
We both know a secret
You oughta know
Let me take you back
I recently remembered
When you and I were at Club Excess
In a pit like this
Doin' shit like this
And
Diz was saying, this and that, I wasn't listening
You know what Diz is like?
It's a thing
Thing, the moment that burned in my memory
Is when he turned and he said to me
Yo bro, it's funny, I ain't exactly Muslim shit
And I was like, what? good lord!
Diz, are you telling us?
That through your entire battling career, and you've been battling for years, a third of your life, earning your stripes
You led us to believe that you're Muslim, and this whole motherfucking time
You never actually said one
You not exactly, I never was gonna say that
See he says, I never said I was a Muslim
But you say it in the battles, not the interviews
But every time the interviewer calls you Muslim, you never correct or interrupt him
That's disgusting
Don't play, I ain't a bit amused
Cause--
Dizaster
I'm an offshoot of Islam, that's why
Soul Khan
Nhhh, yeah that's debatable
But relatable
So
Well no I'm talking in your relation on what you do
You misrepresent yourself to your fans and to your opponents
I want them to take themselves back to the moments
And the raps that you told em
Using cultural standings that ain't actually holding
Are you of the mind that just because racist thinks all Arabs are in terror groups
That that makes it fair for you
To uphold the stereotypes of terror too?
What about Muslims who aren't Arab, dude?
You don't know think South Asians and African Muslims get hassled at customs?
Or that their women in hijabs and burkas are afraid of getting shot and murdered
Due to the rise in fucking Islamic, anti-Islamic fervor?
So he has a rebuttal
I'm sure that shit is subtle
You know a lot of the old Jewish lines I had were fucking foolish
But the difference between that and you is
I'm actually fucking Jewish
Like, this here, was his decision
And now we in this position
You hate the cultures vultures, what are you, a religion pigeon?
I mean obviously
You're Arab, so you know the language and the basic protocol
But you faking overall
I guess Dizaster is just Arabic for Rachel Dolezal
Either way, you lied so these people have no reason to even slightly believe you
Or
I have just freed you
To finally be you
Diz, do you hear this
Do you recognize the scheme
See where I'm trying to lead you
It's Soul Khan, from the last tribe of the Hebrews
Listen Diz, you can admit it
Honestly, you don't wanna do it out loud
And that's just too much to ask though
That's fine
If you're not Muslim, just stand here, looking like the world's stupidest asshole
Oh damnit, I'm so proud of you
That probably took a lot of you
Right?
Honestly
I don't wanna do anything more on this verse
But if this contest of a honor, pride and our worth
It's just a motherfucking homicide in the first
But, if that ain't enough
You just get to serve me
I don't give a fuck
Cause in 2021, your president is Bernie
(Diz: you done?)
I could be, hold on
I like you just wobbling back and forth
(Diz: c'mon pull something out, c'mon rebuttal something)
No, I don't want to right now
Just looking at you like, sorta like, wobbling, yeah go Diz, it's your turn
Round 1: Dizaster
Oh it's my turn?
Y'all ready for some shit?!
What the fuck was that?
What the fuck was that?
Ay trust me, we gon get to the Muslim in round 3, but right now
Woo!
We gotta address fucking MC Dry Milk
This ain't a battle, this a race to see which one of us gon' be the first to get this guy killed
Me, or his white guilt
Fucking Soul Khan
I'm not the person to step to
Yeah, we gon' start off with this because honestly, I'm not here to psychologically test you
I'm here to open up a door, for everybody to get through
Just like a West Hollywood rest room
If I get mad today, I'mma just say "F you"
Instead of wishing death on you, I'ma just wish I never met you
He wants to gender stuff, we can all be men, women too, c'mon
Even though y'all don't believe it, a lot of y'all like to pretend to
Just like your mom did to fulfill the role of your pops when he left you
Left you, without a dope beat to step to
Step one: this a battle, I ain't gotta respect you
Step two: you only here cause the rent's due
Your bitch left you
And the music not bringing the checks through
Step three: he couldn't make a return unless he
Went against me
The leader of the LGBT
Going against a WMD
He's a proud SJW
He's G-L-A-D to be the CEO of a bunch of new groups
A-B-C-D-E-F-G's
The H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O-P's
The Q-R-S, the T-U-V's, and don't you forget those X-Y-Z's
Are you fucking kidding me?
You said you quit battle rap, what you back here using us for?
You said you wouldn't return till you had a Grammy
You think we forgot the stupid shit you used to say and do from before
You said you was done with this game, you gon make go music and hit the booth and record
I guess it's safe to say he's back with the Canadians since America couldn't give this Jew no award (Juno Award)
Hold on, hold on
How long you gonna fucking hold on for?
It's been 9 years of you holdin' on
Recording songs
We thought you would blow up by now man, what's going on?
Why have you not got put on?
I thought you'd have some soul hits by now, but you don't
What a shocker, Khan (Chaka Khan)
I thought Brown Bag was growin' strong
But now you trying to weasel your way in with us and sneak back in and just roll along
And you want us to welcome you with open arms
Like I'm the vulture, pff, like we wouldn't notice you wrong
Right now, you walkin' in so many different directions, you like a child outside tryin' to find a Pokémon
And this is how all these silver spoon posers are
The moment they don't get what they want, that's the moment they gone
And I stayed here, puttin' in blood, sweat and tears, helping put this culture on
And that will always be the difference between your pros and your cons (Khans)
Khan you a fuckin' con artist
You know what rhymes with "Soul Khan"?
(What?)
"This guy spends more time with Nancy Pelosi than he does with his own mom"
But now he's back, and he's focused on battle rap
He's back like he never left
Returnin' in the era of gun rhymes
Pickin' the one guy that could give you punchlines and multis
Multiplied by hundred times of deaths
So follow the pattern 'cause you ain't getting the one-liners, yeah
Fuck a gun rhyme
Bring your little anti-gun sign
Cause I ain't got a gun
I'm here to contaminate your bloodline with a rusty knife instead
Puncture puncture, slice
Make your whole skull rupture like there was busted waterpipe of lead
Gushing by your head
Get your onion diced, I'll oven fry your egg
Cut and slice your chest
Open up ya eye with it
*SWOOSHES*
Leave it stuck inside your neck
And watch the whole other side go dead like the Butterfly Effect
They put a butter knife against a butterfly knife
This is the difference between cookie cutter rhymes and someone who designs lines to be cutting edge
All you got is these lies that you spread
You literally talk out the side of your neck
I'm really cut throat
So if you running ya mouth, you'll catch a Columbian necktie if I see a tongue comin' out
Watch out
You a bum now
I been on my Nate Dogg shit
Watched ya high come down
I became the professor of this campus
You dropped out as a Cub Scout
Since you returned as one of my students, well this could only go one route
Oh you don't think I'm your teacher, huh
Well you will when I blaow, have you spittin' your gums out
*spits*, now you have a yuck mouth (Yukmouth)
You see the signs when the Blood starts to come out
Speaking of cuttin', you cut ya legacy short
And you pressured to come back in the game cause you're stuck now
And we supposed to welcome you like this successful legend like...
What the fuck? How?
Cause he got 3,000,000 views versus QP? Fuck, wow
Since then, I left that in a dust cloud
While you spent the rest of your career like "50 Cent trying to knock another SON down."
Got so outta touch, he's like Al Bundy to us now
Which means ya battles with Madness, Fox, Deacon, QP would be your four famous touchdowns
Fuck outta here, you like the Gjonaj of Polk High
You wonder why he ain't come down to no actual battles?
He's too busy at the farmer's market tryin' to haggle over free salad samples
He went from being a savage asshole
To hangin' out with 6 foot women who wear Versace sandals and have Adam's Apples
And before we got the horrible, horrible, horrible news that you quit
You can admit, this dude was just sick
He just, you know, hasn't been the same dude ever since he surgically removed his dick
He had a surgeon open up two little slits and fuse a clit made out of a pair of two human lips
On to the passage way where he used to piss
And if you think this is bad, we're lucky he hasn't grew any tits
He's a fuckin' neutered Shih tzu with a uterus
Used to be a symbol of manhood like Mr. Bruce but all we got left is this confused little bitch
Oops, did I just say the "b" word?
You used to be as ruthless as it gets
Now you don't use the word "bitch"?
Are you kidding me?
You bitch!
You're the biggest misogynist ever... and you still are
You don't get to change the rules as you wish
You might be able to fool these stupid little new liberal groups that you with
But the beautiful thing about the internet is that it's forever... and Google is quick
And YouTube is just two little clicks
*click click*
Exhibit A:
You once told a dude, "You're useless as a chick without the coochie and the tits"
Listen, "useless as a chick without the coochie and the tits"
Now I caught some slack for what I said to O'fficial
But I'll be honest, this some futuristic shit!
Now this same dude's a feminist? Man that's as stupid as it gets
Like you callin' people gay for all three of your rounds on all your old YouTube clips
And now your excuse for it
Is you grew up since
And you worried about whose kids you gon' influence
Or is it truly this:
That your new political views don't fit with the way that you used to spit
So you must've turned vegan too cause all of a sudden you super quick to come to a fruit's defense
God damn man, you too intense
You suffering from self delusion of how you view yourself
Staring back at the mirror like, "who is this?"
"Who am I? Who is this?"
I'll tell you who
You're the dude who called people "homos" and "queers" for most your career
So if you wanna act like we're the ones that are homophobic here
Ehhh that's sorta weird
Cause, I used to like you Soul Khan, at least back then you were more sincere
You once saw two dudes in the distance arguing about who says the word "faggot" more
And you told the dude that was standing next to you, "yo, hold my beer"
He's a fuckin' Fruit Ninja
The type that no one fears
When he throws a bomb, he throws a bomb
But when the smoke screen clears
He reappears with a picket sign and a pair of pink pointy ears
Like, "I'm Soul Khan. Ready to fight this war
Standing on the frontline with my big homie Michael Moore."
Soul Khan, been a Socialist for so long his hands and knees are sore
Had sunken cheekbones like a Swedish whore
He consumes Twitter feeds, he doesn't even eat no more
He's no longer the person he used to be before
Just to act as his own manhood he has to speak to it through a Ouija Board
I am literally raising hell!
And after this you might as well change your name as well
I'ma make you hate yourself
When you leave here you gonna feel the same way you felt
When you watch the new Dave Chappelle
Face it, you just outdated, you basic and stale
Tryin' to break away from the shell
Your music sucks, no one gives a fuck if you sell
So tonight, you gon' be like Sheriff Hopper
Cause you gon' have a tough time puttin' up with this L (El')
I'm an O.G
King Of The Dot knows there's no show if there's no me
I go O.D
I'm like Eleven from Stranger Things
Cause I can even channel my energy to reach the nose bleeds
Got me teleporting like a flesh-absorbing demogorgon
The best in this sport, I'm forever Jordan
The game changer, became way colder
Caught him slippin' in the Range Rover
Start baking with the flamethrower
He wants to ban AK's then fuck it, the shotgun can hit you from way closer
Operation Roc-A-Wear with Jay Hova
I'll put your brain on your Dame's shoulders
Awe man, here we go again
{Diz puts on Groucho glasses and pulls out a folder and starts his Soul Khan impression}
He said, "Brains on my Dame's shoulder"
Hold on, hold on
That's why guns are bad for you Diz'
And any true human will tell you that every firearm leads to a mass school shootin'
Listen, hold on, hold on
Before I leave any session you know I got a few more lines
Yeah, yeah, you will realize and do more time
That people like Twork are bad for the community
Cause they inspire my precious black youth to do more crime
So if you ever decide to use your tool
Fuck you, fuck you
B. Dot you cool
Fuck you!
Round 2: Soul Khan
When he was in my face, I think, it probably hit me
I was just thinking, wow, has he reconsidered my offer to kiss me?
Diz, you're my homie though
But hold it man
And I ain't trying to diss that flag you're wearin'
But I gotta say, it was kinda disorienting, for this dude who's my homie y'all
To talk about Pokemon when he literally looks like a fucking Pokeball
So, we got this
So, my friend, are you done?
If not, that's cool son
I mean, I was just gonna go make a food run
I get you some
I was gonna cop some jerky, want a Slurpee? Red or the blue one?
You ain't gotta choose, you want the blue one
How you think this gon' go, 2-1?
Lot of people think you gon get 3-0'd
I mean that'd be pretty sweet yo
I mean, cause this shit is something you need for your ego
Me though? I be known
For some other shit that you think that we share, but when you compare, we don't
So, who here knows the song 'Fahrenheit'?
See cause people can sing along with that
Telling me you never feel like you wanted that
Honestly Diz', you was showing your rectum
If you say you have as close a connection
As I do fans across the entire emotional spectrum
I mean you have laughter, and over-aggression
I'm there for them when they lonely and desperate
Or when they're hopeless, hopeful, or breathless
When someone shows them affection
I'm there for them whatever they're living through
Whether they're training or in their living room
That's a sense of fulfillment I wish I could give to you
But I can't
But dammit I fucking pity you
I'm not in a battle gonna try to outrap or outflow you
But on a track I will roast you
Because you adapt when the Pro Tools are tracking your vocals
Or at least that's what's born out of by some other examples we'll go through
So, namely
You gave your mom a beautiful Mother's Day freestyle
Right?
It was gorgeous
It was written down
That does not make this better what I'm about to say
My friend, you gave your mom a freestyle for Mother's Day
There had to be another way
I'm talking flowers and cards
Instead of powerful bars!
If I was your mom I had wish you were a runaway
And honestly when I started watching it
Get really intense body language
Gotta be anxious
Gotta inching forward like he was gonna pull the straps on her
Look like you were about to Math Hoffa ya damn momma
Now, for the record
If I you wanna watch this, I made a shortcut
Tinyurl.com/dizmom
Alright?
Please join with me if you watching at home or later on Youtube
Because I love my mother too
And I've got time
My friend, we gonna go through all this shit line by line
Actual quote Diz said to his mom
"you're my sword when I'm swordless"
Why in God's name did you record this?
Hold on though!
If you're swordless, then your hand or wherever you sheathe it
By definition is not where your sword is
Bear with me
If I gotta I break it down, you understand
Just switch the metaphor with the shit's that's intended for
You're saying
You're my mom and when I'm momless
Which, my mom would be appalled if
She thought I thought that she wanted such incompetent dog shits
The next line is you're my spiritual fountain
Spiritual fountain!
I wanna hear all about them
My friend is a spiritual fountain more like a lyrical fountain or a miracle fountain
Spiritual fountain
The last line of this, blew my mind with this
You're my breath when I'm drowning
Now
When you drown, you lose air
So based on the sequence of the line
And the meaning that's implied
She is not keeping you alive, she is leaving you to die
But honestly, she seems really kind, no disrespect intended to your mom
Especially, cause all the shit Diz has said, and done
It's amazing Diz isn't done
So
Can we clap it up for Dizaster's mom
Now, the next example is a song that's actually your best
If that were case for me, I would be massively impressed
It's called 'Don't Play Me' produced by Chase Moore
That means the best aspect of a track ain't yours
Literally said, I'mma say this real slow for everyone to see
This was written down too, right?
It is? oh c'mon
"I'll strike you with a Midas touch and grab your wife and fuck
Till the hymen bust open like a fire hydrant wide and fire trucks driving sideways on the highways till I fuck my tires up"
I guess in that fires are chaotic and fuck everything up
But like, now, because I am a masochist and I've got time
We gon' tackle this line by line
Hold on
By the way, tinyurl.com/dontplaydiz
Oh I forgot, hold on wait a second, you know what rhymes with tinyurl.com/dizmom
Diz lied about his bond with Islam
Okay, so look
Back to this this Magnum Opus
So, "I'll strike you with a Midas touch and grab your wife and fuck"
So the touch of Midas turn whatever you hold into genuine gold
Like it's treasure in a vault
So what you saying is
If someone gave you this incredible ability
You would use it to commit sexual assault
You are a great ambassador for this culture by the way
Let's go to this, "till the hymen bust open like a fire hydrant wide and fire trucks"
Jesus Christ
I guess you're not aware that hymens don't bust, actually kinda tear
Even then it's a misconception that's kinda rare
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