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Plot: Longtime supervillain Felonious Gru has his pride hurt when an unknown rival steals the Great Pyramid of Giza. Gru, his elderly assistant Dr. Nefario, and his army of Minions devise a plan to steal the Moon. Seeking financial assistance, Gru approaches Mr. Perkins, the president of the Bank of Evil, who orders Gru to procure a shrink ray. Gru and two of his Minions obtain the shrink ray from
After numerous failed attempts to infiltratе Vector’s fortress, Gru notices three orphanеd girls, Margo, Edith, and Agnes, being allowed in to sell cookies to Vector. Gru adopts the girls under the guise of a dentist, using them to distract Vector while he reclaims the shrink ray. Afterwards, he tries to abandon the girls at an amusement park but ends up bonding with them. Gru later shows Perkins
Nefario calculates the day when the Moon is closest to Earth, which unfortunately coincides with the girls’ upcoming ballet recital. Believing the girls are too much of a distraction to Gru, Nefario calls the orphanage’s owner, Miss Hattie, to take the girls back. Meanwhile, Vector is informed by Perkins of Gru’s current possession of the shrink ray and decides to try to steal the moon himself as
Gru confronts Vector at his fortress, surrendering the Moon in exchange for the girls, but Vector refuses to release them. Enraged, Gru storms the fortress, and Vector activates his escape aircraft. Meanwhile, Nefario and the Minions discover that the shrink ray’s effects are temporary; the bigger an object, the faster it reverts to its original size. Gru, Nefario, and the Minions rescue the girls
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Despicable Me (2010) | Transcript
(EXCLAIMING)
(ORCHESTRA MUSIC BLARING)
(GROANS) (WHIMPERS)
(GRUNTING)
(MYSTICAL INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)
(GROANS)
(COUNTRY ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
WOMAN: Excuse me, sir, is there a commode?
(GRUNTING)
(GRUNTS) Justin!
Quick, honey, take my picture.
I got the pyramid in my hand.
(CAMERA CLICKING)
Justin, you get back here right now!
No, stop!
No, no! Stop him!
Go back! Don’t climb!
(IMITATING AIRPLANE WHOOSHING)
Wait, wait.
Hold on.
Easy, little boy.
Okay, stop, child!
Stop right there. No!
(GASPS) No, no, no! Oh!
There he goes.
(GASPS) Justin!
I’ve got him!
I’ve got him!
(GRUNTS)
(AIR ESCAPING)
Outrage in Egypt tonight as it was discovered that the Great Pyramid of Giza had been stolen and replaced by a giant inflatable replica.
There is panic throughout the globe as countries and citizens try to protect their beloved landmarks.
Law enforcement still has no leads, leaving everyone to wonder, which of the world’s villains is responsible for this heinous crime?
And where will he strike next?
(CRYING) I’m having a bad, bad day It’s about time that I get my way Steamrolling whatever I see Freeze ray! Freeze ray!
Freeze ray! (LAUGHING) I’m having a bad, bad day If you take it personal, that’s okay Watch, this is so fun to see Despicable me FRED: Morning, Gru!
(CHUCKLING) How you doing?
Hello, Fred.
FYI, your dog has been leaving little bombs all over my yard, and I don’t appreciate it.
(LAUGHING) Sorry.
You know dogs.
They go wherever they want to go.
Unless they’re dead.
(LAUGHING) I’m joking!
Although, it is true.
Anyway, have a good one.
Oh, okay.
Uh… Yeah.
Steamrolling whatever I see Despicable me
(LOUD SNORING)
I’m having a bad, bad day If you take it personal, that’s okay Despicable me
(CONTINUES SNORING)
(DOORBELL CHIMES)
(GROANS) You’ve got to be pulling on my leg!
MARGO: Hello!
Cookies for sale.
Go away.
I’m not home.
Yes, you are.
I heard you.
(GASPS) No, you didn’t. This is a recording.
MARGO: No, it isn’t.
Yes, it is.
Watch this.
Leave a message, beep.
(GRU SHOUTS IN PAIN)
Goodbye, recorded message.
MARGO: Agnes, come on.
Huh?
(SNAPS)
(SCREAMS) Kyle!
Bad dog! No!
No, no. Sit. My muffin.
Gru!
Ah, Dr. Nefario.
I know how you must be feeling.
I, too, have encountered great disappointment, but in my eyes, you will always be one of the greats.
What? What happened?
It’s all over the news!
Some fella just stole a pyramid.
They’re saying he makes all other villains look lame.
Assemble the minions!
(YELPS)
(COUNTING)
Minions, assemble!
Okay. Okay.
Throo…
(SCREAMS IN PAIN)
Hey!
(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)
(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)
(BOTH LAUGHING)
(ALL MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY)
(ALL SPEAKING GIBBERISH)
(ALL CHEERING)
Looking good, Kevin!
How is the family? Good?
All right.
That’s my Billy boy!
What up, Larry?
Hello, everybody!
Yeah, all right!
Simmer down.
Simmer down!
Thank you, okay.
Now, I realize that you guys probably heard about this other villain who stole the pyramids.
Apparently, it’s a big deal.
People are calling it the crime of the century and stuff like that.
But am I upset?
No, I am not!
A little, but we have had a pretty good year ourselves, and you guys are all right in my book.
(EXCLAIMING) No, no raises!
You’re not going to get any raises.
What did we do?
Well, we stole the Times Square Jumbo-Tron!
Nice!
(ALL CHEERING)
Huh?
That’s how I roll.
Yeah, you all like watching football on that, huh?
But that’s not all.
We stole the Statue of Liberty, (ALL CHEERING)
The small one from Las Vegas.
(EXCLAIMING DISAPPOINTEDLY)
And I won’t even mention the Eiffel Tower! Also Vegas.
Okay, I wasn’t going to tell you about this yet, but I have been working on something very big!
Something that will blow this pyramid thing out of the water!
And thanks to the efforts of my good friend Dr. Nefario…
Thank you!
GRU: Oh, there he is.
He’s styling.
Now, we have located a shrink ray in a secret lab, and once we take this shrink ray, we will have the capability to pull off the true crime of the century.
We are going to steal…
Wait, wait! I haven’t told you what it is yet.
(MINIONS EXCLAIMING) Hey.
Dave, listen up, please.
Next, we are going to steal, (SOFTLY) pause for effect, the moon!
(MINIONS CHEERING)
And once the moon is mine, the world will give me whatever I want to get it back!
And I will be the greatest villain of all time!
That’s what I’m talking about.
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
Yes?
Hello, Gru? I’ve been crunching some numbers, and I really don’t see how we can afford this.
It can’t be done.
I’m not a miracle worker.
Hey, chillax.
I’ll just get another loan from the bank. They love me!
(EXCLAIMS)
Edith, stop it!
What? I’m just walking.
(KEYS CLACKING)
ALL: Hi, Miss Hattie.
We’re back.
Hello, girls!
Anybody come to adopt us while we were out?
Mmm. Let me think.
No!
Edith! What did you put on my desk?
A mud pie.
(SIGHS) You’re never gonna get adopted, Edith.
You know that, don’t you?
Yeah, I know.
Good.
So, how did it go, girls?
Did we meet our quotas?
Sort of.
We sold 43 minimints, 30 chocoswirlies, and 18 coconutties.
(SIGHS) Okay.
Well, you say that like it’s a great sale day.
Look at my face!
Do you still think it’s a great sale day?
Eighteen coconutties.
I think we can do a little better than that, don’t you?
Yeah.
We wouldn’t want to spend the weekend in the Box of Shame, would we? No.
ALL: No, Miss Hattie.
Okay, good. Off you go.
Go clean something of mine.
Hi, Penny.
Hi, Penny.
Hi, guys.
(CELL PHONE RINGING) Hello, Mom. Sorry, I meant to call, but…
I just wanted to congratulate you on stealing the pyramid.
(SIGHING) That was you, wasn’t it?
Or was it a villain who’s actually successful?
(LAUGHING)
Just so you know, Mom, I am about to do something that’s very, very big, very important.
When you hear about it, you’re going to be very proud.
(SCOFFS) Good luck with that.
Okay, I’m out of here.
(GRUNTING)
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
Gru to see Mr. Perkins.
Yes, please have a seat.
NEIL ARMSTRONG: That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.
Ma, someday I’m going to go to the moon.
(SCOFFS) I’m afraid you’re too late, Son.
NASA isn’t sending the monkeys anymore.
Hey.
I’m applying for a new villain loan.
Go by the name of Vector.
It’s a mathematical term, a quantity represented by an arrow, with both direction and magnitude.
Vector! That’s me, ’cause I’m committing crimes with both direction and magnitude.
Oh, yeah!
Check out my new weapon.
Piranha gun! Oh, yes!
Fires live piranhas.
Ever seen one before?
No, you haven’t.
I invented it.
Do you want a demonstration?
Oh! Shoot!
So difficult, sometimes, to get the piranha back inside of my…
(EXCLAIMS)
RECEPTIONIST: Mr. Gru, Mr. Perkins will see you now.
GRU: So, all I need is money from the bank to build a rocket.
And then, the moon is ours.
Wow!
Well, very nice presentation.
I’d like to see this shrink ray.
Absolutely! Will do.
(SOFTLY) Soon as I have it.
You don’t have it?
And yet you have the audacity to ask the bank for money?
Apparently.
Do you have any idea of the capital that this bank has invested in you, Gru?
With far too few of your sinister plots actually turning a profit.
How can I put it?
Let’s say this apple is you.
If we don’t start getting our money back…
Get the picture?
Look, Gru, the point is, there are a lot of new villains out there, younger than you, hungrier than you, younger than you.
Like that young fellow out there named Vector.
He just stole a pyramid!
I’ve got it.
I’ve got it.
Um… So, as far as getting money for the rocket…
Get the shrink ray, then we’ll talk.
(YELPING)
(MECHANICAL WHIRRING)
(HIGHPITCHED TRUMPETING)
(RUMBLING)
(INAUDIBLE)
(SHOUTING DESPERATELY)
(LAUGHS) Suckers!
(GRUNTING) Suckers!
(GROANS) Ahha! We got it!
(BOTH LAUGHING)
(METAL SIZZLING)
What?
Hey! Hey! What! Hey!
No, no, no!
You!
(LAUGHING) Now, maybe you’ll think twice before you freeze someone’s head!
So long, Gru!
(LAUGHING) Quick!
We can’t let him get away!
(WHOOPING)
GRU: Up ahead!
Up ahead!
Fire! Fire, now!
(MACHINE GUN FIRING)
(LAUGHING EXCITEDLY)
Oops, you missed me!
GRU: Come to papa!
Take that.
How adorable.
(CHUCKLES)
GRU: Got you in our sights!
Like taking candy from a…
What?
Ha! Hey, Gru!
Try this on for size!
That’s weird.
What is going…
(SCREECHES) This is claustrophobic!
No, no, no!
(GRUNTING)
(LAUGHING) Too small!
This is too small for me!
(ALL SCREAM)
(GROANS) I hate that guy!
…and please watch over us, and bless that we’ll have a good night’s sleep.
And bless that while we’re sleeping, no bugs will crawl into our ears and lay eggs in our brains.
Great. Thanks for that image, Edith.
And please bless that someone will adopt us soon, and that the mommy and daddy will be nice and have a pet unicorn.
Amen.
Amen.
Amen.
AGNES: (SINGING) Unicorns, I love them Unicorns, I love them Uni, uni, unicorns I love them Uni, unicorns, I could pet one If they were really real
(SIGHS)
And they are So, I bought one so I could pet it Now it loves me Now I love it La, la, la, la, la
(ALARM BEEPING RAPIDLY)
(VIDEO GAME SOUNDS)
(GROANING)
(GRUNTS)
(GROANING)
(GRUNTS)
Don’t you…
(EXCLAIMS) What the…
(MOANING)
(CHUCKLING) Oh, good luck, little girls!
Whoa! Cool.
Hi! We’re orphans from Miss Hattie’s Home for Girls.
VECTOR: I don’t care.
Beat it!
Come on!
We’re selling cookies so, you know, we can have a better future.
VECTOR: Ooh! Wait, wait!
Do you have coconutties?
Yeah.
Light bulb.
Dr. Nefario!
Huh?
I’m going to need a dozen tiny robots disguised as cookies!
What?
Cookie robots!
Who is this?
Oh, forget it.
(CHUCKLING) Well, it appears you have cleared our background check, Dr. Gru.
Oh! And I see you have made a list of some of your personal achievements.
Thank you for that.
I love reading.
(MUMBLING GIBBERISH)
And I see you have been given the Medal of Honor and a knighthood.
Me, me, me.
Me, me, me.
Kevin?
(BOTH SPEAK GIBBERISH)
You had your own cooking show and you can hold your breath for 30 seconds?
It’s not that impressive.
Uh… (BLOWS RASPBERRY) (GROANS) Idiot! (CHUCKLES)
ALL: Fight! Fight!
Fight! Fight!
What in the name of…
What?
(GRU CLEARS THROAT) Well, here’s the dealio.
Things have been so lonely since my wife, Debbie, passed on.
It’s like my heart is a tooth, and it’s got a cavity that can only be filled with children.
I’m sorry.
You are a beautiful woman.
Do you speak Spanish?
Do I look like I speak Spanish?
You have a face como un burro.
Oh!
Well, thank you!
(GIGGLES)
Anyway, can we proceed with this adoption?
So, so excited!
Please tell Margo, Edith and Agnes to come to the lobby.
(ALL SCREAMING) I bet the mom is beautiful!
I bet the daddy’s eyes sparkle.
I bet their house is made of Gummi Bears.
I’m just saying it’d be nice.
Aw! My caterpillar never turned into a butterfly.
That’s a Cheeto.
Oh!
Well, Debbie was a very lucky woman.
Who’s Debbie?
Your wife.
(DOOR OPENS)
Oh! Hi, girls!
Girls, I want you to meet Mr. Gru.
He’s going to adopt you.
And he’s a dentist!
Yeah! (CHUCKLING) Um…
Hi. I’m Margo.
This is Edith.
And that’s Agnes.
(SINGSONG) I got your leg, I got your leg!
Okay, that is enough, little girl.
Let go of my leg.
Come on. You can do it.
Higher!
Higher! (LAUGHS) Just release your grip. Wow!
How do you remove them?
Is there a command?
Some nonstick spray?
Crowbar? (SIGHS) Okay, girls, let’s go.
(CRYING)
(CAR ALARMS SOUNDING)
VECTOR: (GRUNTS) Ahha!
Oh, yeah!
Pretty impressive!
What are you looking at?
Booya!
You got shrunk, tiny mouthwash!
Take that!
You done been shrunk!
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
Yello?
I got the shrink ray, all right.
No, I’m not playing with it.
Gru? (LAUGHING) Don’t make me laugh! No.
P.S., he is not getting the moon, and P. P.S., by the time I’m done with him, he’s gonna be begging for mercy.
Okay, bye.
Aw! Look at you, a little tiny toilet for a little tiny baby…
(SCREAMS) Curse you, tiny toilet!
Okay, here we are.
Home sweet home.
So, this is, like, your house?
Wait a sec…
You’re the guy who pretended he was a recorded message!
No, that was someone else.
Can I hold your hand?
Uh, no.
When we got adopted by a bald guy, I thought this’d be more like Annie.
(GROWLING)
No, hey!
Kyle, these are not treats.
These are guests.
Girls, this is Kyle, my dog.
(SNARLS) Ooh! Fluffy doggy!
(YELPING) What kind of dog is that?
He is a…
I don’t know.
MARGO: Do you really think that this is an appropriate place for little kids?
‘Cause it’s not.
No! No!
Stay away from there!
It’s fragile.
(GASPS) Well, I suppose the plan will work with two.
EDITH: Hey!
It’s dark in here.
It poked a hole in my juice box.
As you can see, I have provided everything a child might need.
All right.
Uh… Okay.
As I was saying… Hey!
(CRASHING)
Somebody broke that.
Okay, okay.
Clearly, we need to set some rules.
Rule number one.
You will not touch anything.
Uh-huh.
What about the floor?
Yes, you may touch the floor.
What about the air?
Yes, you may touch the air!
What about this?
(EXCLAIMS) Where did you get that?
Found it.
Okay. Rule number two.
You will not bother me while I’m working.
Rule number three.
You will not cry or whine or laugh or giggle or sneeze or burp or fart!
So, no, no, no annoying sounds.
All right?
Does this count as annoying?
(POPPING) Very!
(SIGHS) I will see you in six hours.
Okay, don’t worry.
Everything’s going to be fine.
We’re gonna be really happy here.
Right? Agnes?
Mmm?
(EXCLAIMS)
(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)
(CLICKING)
(UPBEAT POP MUSIC PLAYING)
Uh, question.
What are these?
A dozen boogie robots!
Boogie! (LAUGHING) Look at this. Watch me!
(MUSIC STOPS)
Cookie robots.
I said cookie robots.
Why are you so old?
Okay. I’m on it.
Hello?
TV!
(KYLE GROWLING)
(WHIMPERS)
MARGO: What is that?
Wow!
Look at that!
That is cool!
Come on!
I don’t think he’s a dentist.
(WHIMPERS)
We’ve been working on this for a while.
It’s a antigravity serum.
(EXCLAIMING)
(SCREAMING)
I meant to close that.
He’ll be all right, I’m sure.
Do the effects wear off?
Uh, so far, no. No, they don’t.
And here, of course, is the new weapon you ordered.
(FARTING)
No, no.
I said “dart gun,” not… Okay.
Oh, yes.
‘Cause I was wondering under what circumstances would we use this?
But, anyway.
What I really wanted to show you was this.
Now those are cookie robots!
AGNES: (SINGING) La, la, la, la I love unicorns What are you doing here?
I told you to stay in the kitchen!
We got bored.
What is this place?
Can I drink this?
Do you want to explode?
(EXCLAIMS) Gru!
Get back in the kitchen!
Will you play with us?
No.
Why?
Because I’m busy.
(SCOFFS) Doing what?
Um…
Okay, okay, you got me.
The dentist thing is more of a hobby.
In real life, I am a spy.
And it is top secret, and you may not tell anybody, because if you do…
What does this do?
(GASPS) Hey!
Oops.
My unicorn!
You have to fix it.
Fix it?
Look, it has been disintegrated.
By definition, it cannot be fixed.
(GASPS)
(INHALES)
That’s freaking me out.
What is she doing?
She’s gonna hold her breath until she gets a new one.
It is just a toy.
Now stop it!
(GRUNTING) Okay, okay!
I’ll fix it!
Tim! Mark! Phil!
This is very important.
You have to get the little girl a new unicorn toy.
Eh?
(BOTH SPEAKING GIBBERISH)
(CHUCKLING) Hey, hey, hey! A toy!
Go, and hurry!
What are those?
They are my cousins.
Jerry! Stuart!
Watch them, and keep them away from me, please.
ALL: Wow!
(ALL EXCLAIMING EXCITEDLY)
(STUTTERING)
(GROANS) Ooh!
(SCREAMING) Oh!
Hmm…
(FEEDBACK)
(SHUDDERING)
(SINGING GIBBERISH)
(ALL SINGING)
(GIRLS GIGGLING)
(CRASHING)
It was your cousin’s idea.
What?
Okay, bedtime.
GIRLS: Aw!
Aw!
Aw!
Not you two!
(CHEERING)
Okeydokey. Beddie-bye.
All tucked in. Sweet dreams.
Just so you know, you’re never gonna be my dad.
Hmm. I think I can live with that.
Are these beds made out of bombs?
Yes, but they are very old and highly unlikely to blow up.
But try not to toss and turn.
Cool.
Will you read us a bedtime story?
No.
But we can’t go to sleep without a bedtime story.
Well, then it’s going to be a long night for you, isn’t it?
So, good night, sleep tight, and don’t let the bed bugs bite.
Because there are literally thousands of them.
(WHISPERING SCARILY)
And there’s probably something in your closet.
He’s just kidding, Agnes.
(DOOR OPENS)
(GASPS)
(SPEAKS GIBBERISH)
It’s beautiful.
(HUMMING)
(SIGHS) Girls, let’s go.
Time to deliver the cookies!
Mmm. Okay. But first, we’re going to dance class.
Actually, we’re going to have to skip the dance class today.
Actually, we can’t (IMITATING GRU) Skip the dance class today.
We have a big recital coming up.
We’re doing an excerpt from Swan Lake.
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